The Road Back
by PenName76
Summary: AU New Moon: Edward is rescued in Volterra by Alice and Bella, but Bella has moved on and cannot bring herself to forgive Edward. He must fight for her love once more.
1. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**_

_**A/N: This is an AU New Moon story that picks up at the very end of the scene where they are confronted by Aro, Marcus and Caius. Edward may be very weepy and emotional in this chapter, but he's been holding back since he left Bella and needs to get it all off his chest. Give him a few moments to be Edward and then we'll move on. You know how dramatic he can be. : )**_

**EPOV**

My wildest dreams and my worst nightmares had all come true on the same day. Before me stood Bella. I never thought I'd see her again, but here she was. Full of life. Her heart pumping blood, her cheeks full of blush. Of course, there were some subtle differences. Her hair was longer. And the not so subtle. She was alarmingly thinner than the last time I saw her. Her eyes were nowhere near as bright and dark shadows seemed to have taken up permanent residence under them. Yes, certainly different from the last time I saw her when I…

I breathed in an unsteady breath. I had to look away from her face. The memory was just too much. The last time I had seen Bella was the day that I had delivered my most convincing performance in the entirety of my very long life. The day I had broken Bella's heart by telling her that I didn't want her. Her heart may have been broken, but mine had been shattered. It was for her own good. It was to protect her from the dangers of my world. The world that did nothing but bring her harm. Everyday, a new danger would threaten her life. I couldn't be the one responsible for extinguishing her light, her soul. Perhaps I had been a coward. Well then, there is nothing I would rather be if it meant this human girl, the girl I loved, would live a long, happy life.

It occurred to me now that she was no longer a girl. She had flown halfway around the world to save me from killing myself. Would a girl have the courage and fortitude to do that knowing that she herself was on a suicide mission? Only a woman would do that. The woman I love. A mission that led her to where we were now: the lair of the most dangerous creatures on earth, the Volturi. My stupidity knows no bounds.

Now I stood in what was for all intents and purposes, the Volturi throne room watching as Alice silently passed along her vision of Bella's future as an immortal to Aro. I trespassed in Alice's mind as she envisioned herself and Bella with matching pale, stone skin and sparkling golden eyes. This future would never come to pass. I would not allow it. However, this vision appeased Aro and we were led out into the lobby, but not before Aro delivered one last chilling warning to make this vision come to pass.

"My dear children, I know you will follow through. You would never want to disappoint your father now would you? And remember, a father's loving eye will always be watching over you." He finished with a smile.

On our way to the lobby, we passed the nightly Volturi snack being herded into their chambers. An assortment of tourists were unknowingly about to give their lives all in the name of the Volturi version of afternoon tea. No, I did not want this for Bella and neither did she judging by the look on her face. Perhaps she was finally seeing the light.

We were ensconced in the sumptuously designed lobby. There was no natural light, but the room was airy and modern while still retaining a regal quality to it. The walls were painted a rich golden brown. The box-like feeling of the room was offset by a multitude of mirrors giving the space far more depth. No matter how lovely, the screams of those being murdered tainted everything with bloodshed.

On the far side of the room, Gianna the receptionist, was seated behind a concierge desk. The Volturi's love and commitment to keeping up appearances was extended to Gianna's human presence. Gianna looked like she was wearing an outfit straight from the latest Armani collection. This was confirmed a moment later in Alice's mind as she catalogued the looks from the last Emporio Armani runway show. Far more fashion forward than the wool cloak Aro had suggested I put on.

Alice and I had taken seats together on one of the plush couches in the main sitting area. Bella had followed, but had chosen a seat on a couch some ways away. She was staring unseeingly at the ground. Her body was still and my heightened senses could make out the slight, but strained movement of her chest as she breathed in and out. Eventually, she wrapped her arms around her body as if to shield herself from some unknown hurt. And then there was the look on her face. It could have been despair at the prospect of a vampire future with me. Perhaps sadness at the idea of leaving her family and most likely happy future. She had no idea that I did not intend to infect her with my poisonous desires despite what had been promised to Aro. Bella was under the impression that she had no other choice than eternal damnation. I must put a stop to this right away. Something told me that this may be the very last opportunity I would ever have to speak to her before she fled, repulsed by the very sight of me.

I slowly rose up from my seat and made my way over to Bella. She was now perched on the edge of the cushion with her hands on her knees. I was unsure if I should sit down next to her or if I should continue to stand. I compromised and knelt down before to her. She didn't move to look at me or even acknowledge my presence in the slightest. Instead, she continued to focus on the floor. Finally, I spoke.

"Bella?" She didn't answer. "Bella, please…"

"Don't worry, Edward. I'm not holding you to anything."

"What?"

"Exactly what I said. I'm not going to hold you to the promise of changing me."

"Bella, that's not what I was going to say at all." But I couldn't help but be a little relieved that she had some sense knocked into her. Finally, she looked at me. Even though she was looking directly at me, her eyes seemed miles away.

"I think you've said plenty to me. In fact, enough to last a lifetime. Now, don't worry about changing me into a vampire. I know now that you don't want to be stuck with me and I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do."

She seemed calm, but her next words flared with anger.

"After all, why would you want me, a mere distraction, darkening eternity for you? Don't worry, even if it does come down to a directive from the Volturi to change me, I won't follow you around like some lovesick puppy. I'll go my own way."

Then here eyes narrowed and bored into me.

"Believe me, it will be as if I'd never existed."

My own words had come back not only to haunt me, but to shatter me. But more distressful was the impact that these words had had on Bella. My Bella had been kind, loving, trusting, sweet…nothing like this shadow of the girl who remained. The light in her eyes, once so very bright had succumbed to despair.

"I've gone on with my human life and I intend to continue to do so. I'll just keep quiet about all I know. That way, they'll never have reason to bother with me and we can both pretend that this never happened. Any of it."

She looked away and concentrated on some point on the other side of the room. I had fought so hard to make sure that Bella never became cold and hard on the outside that I never considered the possibility that her insides would turn to stone, icy to the touch.

Yes, I had a talent for killing things, causing them to wither and die. I took her hands in mine and she recoiled pulling them away.

"Please, Edward, don't." Her voice pleading barely above a whisper. Her eyes slowly closed.

"Bella, please, you have to understand. I did this because I love you." Her eyes snapped back to my face.

"Really, Edward? You love me? Because you have a strange way of showing it. I guess I was so busy trying to put myself back together from the worst pain I have ever known that I couldn't feel the love that so obviously motivated your actions."

"I did not want to damn you to this life!" I said that just a little too loud. Gianna was now staring at us no doubt trying to glean information for her employers. "I wanted you to have a chance at happiness. A chance at a family. I didn't want you to suffer the way we all have. I wanted what was best for you."

"What was best for me was you. But not anymore. I see that now. And it has nothing to do with you being a vampire or mythical creatures or immortality. It's about you not believing in me or trusting me."

Tears were forming in her eyes, but she fought to keep them from falling. She sniffed and looked up at the ceiling as though some sort of respite from these emotions would appear there.

"And just maybe it's true that I wasn't good enough for you as you so kindly pointed out. Maybe I'm not smart enough or pretty enough or sophisticated enough. Perhaps I'm not worldly enough or dress well enough or polished enough."

"Bella, that's not true! You are perfect in every way."

"Funny how I don't believe you. And you know what the worst part is? You made me doubt myself. Hate myself even. What was it about me that drove you away? Do you know how many sleepless nights I stayed up trying to figure out what I had done or not done to make you leave?"

I did know. The circles and shadows under her eyes were the result of more than an overseas trip to Italy.

"And then through some roundabout…fucked up…"

That was new.

"…way, you think I'm dead and you feel guilty about it so you run off to Italy to kill yourself and me being the…the dumb girl races off after you. And for what? Some guy, some boy who doesn't love me back and can't stand to be in my presence?"

I shook my head as if that would take back her words.

"That's not true! Please believe me! I love you so much, Bella! I would do anything for you! Please!" My voice cracked as I pleaded with her. Finally, she fixed her eyes upon me.

"Edward, I gave you my heart and you threw it out like garbage. There is nothing left to say. No argument that you could possibly make to change anything. I just want to go home."

I laid my head down on her lap.

"Bella, no…please believe that I love you. Please."

"You love me? Then take me home."

She was so cold and bitter and I was deserving of every harsh, unkind word she said. I picked myself up and nodded. I returned to my seat next to Alice.

A few minutes later, Alec entered the lobby to dismiss us, but not before outlining in his mind all the ways he wanted to violate Bella. From body to blood, he had obviously given this some thought.

I growled at him while he just grinned. Alice put her hand on my shoulder and warned me mentally to calm down. Quickly, I shepherded Alice and Bella into the elevator. Bella looked down at the floor while the elevator descended. Alice looked from Bella to me and back to Bella again. I raised my eyebrows and she answered me mentally.

_Nothing right now, but there's a lot we need to discuss. By the way, while you two were talking, I booked tickets home._

I nodded ever so slightly and steeled myself for what was to come. By the tenor of Alice's mind, it was not good. I suspected that my life was about to end all over again, but only this time I would still be here to suffer through it.

The elevator arrived on the ground floor and we quickly exited the main entrance. Alice took the lead and we followed her through the crowds celebrating St. Marcus Day. Festival-goers dressed as vampires with plastic fangs. An insult. However, an insult would imply that the offended party conducted themselves with a shred of dignity. There was nothing dignified about me though.

Alice stopped by a portcullis on the fringes of the crowd and closed her eyes.

"You two wait here. I'll get a car."

She flitted off leaving me alone with Bella. She was staring off into the crowd. Somehow, she managed to look numb yet determined at the same time. She was silent until Alice pulled up in a non-descript blue sedan. I opened the door to the backseat for Bella. She quickly got in and grabbed the door from my grasp slamming it shut. The message couldn't have been clearer. I walked around the car and got into the front passenger side door. I couldn't help myself from stealing a quick glance at her in the rear view mirror. Her eyes met mine and she quickly looked away. Yes, this most definitely would be the longest trip of my life.

Alice took off at lightening speed hugging the curves of the ancient winding roads. For a moment, I wished I were human because there would be a greater chance of me dying if Alice wrecked the car as unlikely as that might be.

Soon, we saw a sign for Aeroporto di Firenze, the Florence airport. Alice pulled into the longterm parking area. Ever the planner, Alice dictated that I should stay in the car with Bella while she procured some clothes for me. I was still shirtless, wearing the dark wool cloak that was the Volturi uniform. Just as Alice was about to exit the car, Bella opened her door and leapt out.

"Alice, I'll go with you!"

Alice hesitated for a moment, but then nodded her head. She looked at me and mouthed, "Sorry!" Yes, I could see how the idea of spending time alone with me would be horrific for Bella. About fifteen minutes later, I heard them approaching.

_Seriously, Edward, I know you're upset and all, but you look like a little boy pouting because he didn't get his way._

I rolled my eyes at her. I knew she had heard everything Bella had said to me earlier.

_I'm sorry. I know this is difficult._

I gave her a brief nod. They opened the doors of the car and took their seats. Alice tossed a bag into the back seat.

"Here ya go! Now our flight to Rome leaves in ninety minutes. Get dressed and then we'll check in. Oh! Our flight to Atlanta leaves shortly after we land, so we need to make a run for it. Then we have a one hour layover before boarding a plane to Seattle.

I opened the bag and fished out a clean pair of black pants and a light blue button down shirt. With both Alice and Bella looking ahead to give me privacy, I put on the new pants and shirt. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt and tossed the old pants and cloak into the bag.

"Okay, let's go."

We all exited the car and I disposed of the bag in a nearby trashcan. We made our way to the terminal and I could tell that Bella was so exhausted that she was about to drop. Somehow, I didn't think she or her stubbornness would take too kindly to me pointing this out. Due tour first class tickets, we were quickly whisked through the check-in and security lines. Soon, we were settled into the first class lounge. Alice and I sat down on a couch while Bella disappeared into the ladies room.

Alice sifted through the newspapers and magazines on the coffee table in front of us.

"Want something to read for the plane?" I shook my head.

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"Just how bad is it?"

"Let's just focus on her being safe and alive for now."

"You're cruel."

"Am I? I guess I learned from the best." She said as she narrowed her eyes into slits. "Don't look at me like that, Edward! I told you from day one that I thought what you were doing to Bella was beyond cruel. I told you she would suffer. What you need to know…well, it's not pretty. But you are my brother and I love you and I will help you through it. Now, here she comes."

Bella walked towards us in new clothes. Well, sweatpants and a University of Washington sweatshirt. Her hair was back in a ponytail and she looked like she had splashed some water on her face. Even in this situation, she was still so beautiful. She had definitely lost weight and her overall demeanor was one of skittishness. Yet, her beauty had only grown in my eyes because of the courage she had shown to undertake a potentially fatal task. My love for her filled this room and beyond. There were no words to describe it, no image to depict it. I had been taken to the mountaintop by her love. And now…now…I realized that indeed it was a long way down. I couldn't even begin to imagine the road ahead. Was there even a possibility of a road back to her that I would be allowed to take?

Soon, it was time to board the plane. The seating in first class was two by two. Bella grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her into two of the seats taking the window seat for herself. I sat across the aisle next to Alice.

_Don't worry, Edward. You and I will have a chance to talk on the way to Seattle. I could only get two seats together. She'll take the other single seat._

We landed in Rome and ran to catch the connecting flight to Atlanta. Bella downed Coca-Cola all the way to the States. She was intent on staying awake and keeping her wits about her. I would give anything to sleep right now since it would afford me the possibility of believing that this had all been part of some horrific dream that I would be able to wake up from.

As predicted by Alice, Bella sat apart from us on the way to Seattle. Once settled in after take-off, I turned to Alice, anxious to hear what had transpired in Bella's life since we'd been gone. She had masterfully blocked me the entire trip.

"Alice…please?"

She nodded.

"Okay, Edward, but you have to promise no to freak out or do anything stupid. You must promise me."

"I promise."

"I'm serious, Edward. You're not going to like what you're going to hear."

I took a deep breath. "I know."

"Well, according to Charlie, when you…we left, Bella was practically comatose. Didn't speak, didn't eat although I'm sure you can see that for yourself. Couldn't sleep, woke up every night from what can only be described as night terrors. She was screaming for you in her sleep. She never went out. Lost touch with all her friends. People in general, really. She was a zombie, complete and utterly numb.

Again, I was reminded of just how horrible of a creature I am. Against my better judgment, even though I knew all along it was wrong, I involved her in my wickedness. I ruined her. In a way, I had already made her one of us. She had become one of the walking dead. Such a delicate soul. I had practically grabbed her by the neck and plunged her under black water until she was flailing. Little by little, her body had quieted and now this shell of a person was what remained. Such was the price for loving one such as Edward Cullen.

"The only thing that shocked her out of it was being threatened with being sent to Florida to live with Renee. She changed quickly after that. Still not the same, but better."

Alice stopped. It was almost as if she were afraid to go on. As if she wasn't quite sure how to put things so I wouldn't plan another trip back to Italy. Surely, the Volturi would not be so kind this time.

"Just tell me, Alice, whatever it is, just tell me."

"There's no easy way to say this to make it less hurtful. Edward…there's someone else."

I closed my eyes willing those words to go unspoken. I know I had brought this upon myself. I know that. I know I have no reason to feel sorry for myself, but that doesn't mean that this will make it hurt any less. The once chance that I've had at love, I've squandered. I meant for so many things to happen, so many good things for Bella. I had hoped in time she would forget about me. Even though I knew that it would be crushing, I didn't anticipate that I would have to be around to see it. But hearing that Bella had moved on and loved another, well, I would rather go through the change into a vampire a million times over. This pain was staggering.

Alice lightly brushed the hair out of my eyes and stroked it back. It was the first, well _human_ contact I'd had in months. Even though I was dying inside, it felt good to have some semblance of closeness with someone. It's just too bad that it was all too reminiscent of what Bella used to do.

During the summer after our junior year, when for the first time in a long time, I was carefree, Bella and I would go to the meadow to talk or to read or just to get away. We would lie on the ground completely relaxed. It was the most perfect and happiest time of my life. On one such occasion, we were both reading and she was lying next to me. She put her book down and turned to look up at me. I looked over at her and she was just staring at me. For me, her eyes held a million things unsaid, but most notably warmth, contentment and love, the most precious of all. There in that meadow with the most beautiful of beauties, I had found my home. It was that feeling that I had hoped would sustain me after leaving Bella.

"Open your eyes."

I slowly opened my eyes to look at my sister.

"His name is Matthew Rogen. He moved to Forks a few months ago from Port Angeles. He's a senior too. He brought Bella back to life. Charlie loves this kid. In fact, they spend time with each other without Bella sometimes. They get along famously. He really loves Matthew."

"Please don't rub it in, Alice. I realize the position I've put us all in doesn't exactly endear me to others, but please don't be downright cruel. I'm already dreading what Jasper has in store for me for involving you in this."

She smirked at me. The little pixie, that _evil_ pixie actually smirked at me.

"Edward, I'm telling you all of this because it is important to know your enemy. You will need to know if this you're going to fight back."

I smirked right back.

"She hates me. After all this, do you really think Bella will ever want anything to do with me ever again?"

"Yes." There it was. Quick and deliberate.

"People don't run off on a suicide mission to Italy to rescue someone they hate. She was ready to go alone to stop you! That is not the action of someone motivated by hate, but by love."

"Yes, well it certainly doesn't feel like love to me."

"Edward, she's hurt and confused. And quite honestly, I don't entirely believe this little cliff diving incident was entirely just a little fun had by Bella and a few of her wolf friends."

"Wolves? What?"

"Oh yeah, I guess I forgot about that part. Remember Jacob Black and the Quileutes? Turns out they're werewolves."

I threw my head in my hands. Could this get any worse?

"They're who you have to thank for saving Bella from drowning and from Victoria. They also saved her from Laurent. He's dead by the way. Anyway, the wolves pulled Bella from the water. Victoria was about to attack Bella. In fact, she's still out there plotting revenge against you."

I should never have tempted fate by asking if this could get worse.

"So, big brother, you have your work cut out for you. I hope you are ready to fight because you have to fight and eliminate Victoria first. Then more importantly, you have to fight for Bella. So no feeling sorry for yourself or retreating into depression. That girl loves you and would walk through fire for you. Do not doubt that. You will get her back."

"Do you really think so, Alice? Have you seen it?"

"I haven't seen anything yet. And by the way, something about the wolves affects my visions. Don't get me started on how frustrating that is. But, Edward, look at me."

I turned my gaze directly into her determined eyes.

"I don't need my visions to tell me what I already know. She loves you. You broke her, but she loves you. She is your destiny and you _will_ be together once more. Just have a little faith in me."

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"In case I've never told you, I love you."

Her beautiful, sweet face broke out into a smile.

"I love you more." With quite a wallop, she threw her arms around me. "And I'll help you every step of the way."

Alice's support and faith in me gave me hope. I looked back at Bella sleeping (she had finally succumbed) and wished I could hold her in my arms. Now was not the time though. Soon, I hope. It was a wild hope at best.

Morning had broken and not long afterwards, we landed in Seattle. Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us by the gate. Jasper and Alice ran to each other, not embracing, but staring into each other's eyes.

_Thank you for bringing her back to me, Edward. I'm sorry for causing all of this._

I just nodded while Esme attacked me with a hug.

"Don't ever do that again!" She whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"Sorry, Mom. It will never happen again." She pulled away and searched my eyes as if looking for the truth.

"Promise?"

"I promise." I looked over to see Carlisle draw an exhausted Bella into a hug. How I envied him. He pulled away from her and took her face in his hands.

"Thank you, Bella, thank you."

"It was nothing really."

"It was everything. Now let's get you home." He put his arm around her waist and towed her through the airport. He through a quick glance in my direction.

_Good to have you home, son. We'll talk at the house. Thank you for bringing my daughter home. Both of them._

He was far more optimistic than I was at this point. We all made our way down to the parking garage. Esme had joined Carlisle to steady Bella who was barely conscious. She smiled at her and stroked her hair. We reached the Mercedes. I stopped in my tracks glaring at Satan aka Rosalie. A few paces away, she and Emmett were standing by Rosalie's BMW. Emmett came forward and patted Bella on the head.

"Hey kiddo. Good to see you again. Let's go home."

"No." I spat out. Esme came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Let her make amends. Jasper and Alice will ride with us."

I exhaled sharply. "Fine." I couldn't say no to my mother.

Emmett was helping Bella into the back seat and I slid in after her. Rosalie got into the front passenger seat and Emmett took the wheel.

"Edward?" Rosalie squeaked out.

"Not now, Rose." I growled.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Rosalie?"

"I'm so, so sorry. Please accept my apology. I know there's nothing I can say to make it better or change what happened, but I am truly sorry."

"Then that's all that matters." Bella was fading fast and her words were garbled.

"Thank you, Bella. That is more than I deserve."

"I'll say." I muttered under my breath and I noticed Rosalie's shoulders shuddering.

I only hoped Bella would forgive me so easily.

Bella fell asleep moments later as we sped towards Forks. The darkness and mist foretold of an uncertain future. And an angry police chief awaiting the return of his only child. Soon, we were pulling into the Swan driveway.

_Ed, you want back up?_

"No, I just want to get this over with." I would throttle him later for calling me Ed.

The front door flew open and an irate Charlie bounded out. He was followed by a quite handsome teenaged boy. He was about my height, medium build, blonde and sizing me up as I exited the car with Bella in my arms. I surmised that this was indeed Matthew Rogen.

_So this is the famous Edward Cullen._

No fooling this one. What powers of deduction this boy had. Yet, his thoughts were somewhat guarded. I filed that away. And then Charlie's anger ripped through my own thoughts.

"You son of a bitch! How dare you show your face here!"

That woke Bella up immediately.

"Dad?"

"Bella, you get inside this instant!"

"Please, Chief Swan, let me just get her inside. She's exhausted."

"No! Give her to Matthew! Before I arrest you and throw your ass in jail!"

I took a last look at Bella before handing her over to Matthew.

"Matt?" She was so groggy and disoriented.

"C'mon on, Bella, let's get you upstairs to bed."

He went inside the house taking my life with him. Charlie fixed upon me after watching the exchange.

"You…don't ever fucking come around here again! EVER! You've been nothing but trouble since Bella met you. You are not to speak to her let alone breathe the same air! Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"I will be watching your every move. YOU. STAY. AWAY. FROM. MY. DAUGHTER. I don't care if you are a Cullen. You may have everyone else fooled that you're this perfect, straight A student, but you are nothing but a worthless bastard as far as I'm concerned. You've caused her nothing but heartache and suffering. She has a new boyfriend now. Someone worthy of her. Now get off my property and don't ever come back!

I nodded and got back into the car as he watched. Emmett pulled out of the driveway and took off down the street.

"You gonna be okay, Edward?"

"No."

_**Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I hope you enjoyed it. Constructive criticism is appreciated.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. **_

**EPOV**

"Don't worry, Edward! A few flicks of the wrist and it will be all over. Jasper and I can make it look like an accident. He'll be dead and we'll be fed. Goodbye, young Matthew! Pity we didn't get to know you!"

Emmett could always be counted on to lift my spirits. Even for only a fleeting moment. The mental picture of Matthew Rogen having to be pulled from the burning wreckage of a horrible car accident or divers searching the river for his remains brought a smile to my face. It was brief, but altogether comforting.

"That's a generous offer, Emmett, but I think we should let him live. At least for the time being."

Emmett guffawed at my last remark.

"Welcome back, little brother! I've missed the shit out of you!"

For a moment, I had a brief respite from the pain. I watched the world of Forks, Washington pass outside the car window. Nothing much had changed in this dreary little town. The price of gas had gone up. Newton's Outfitters was now open on Sundays. Oh, and yes, Bella Swan, the one and only love of my life had moved on.

It was still early, but there were a lot of people out and about. And every single one of them took notice of the sparkling red BMW that had not been seen in town for the last eight months. As we made our way back to our home, every single one of their heads whipped around.

"_Isn't that…?"_

"_What are they doing here? I thought they moved to Los Angeles."_

"…_I wonder if Chief Swan knows. Or even worse…Bella."_

Emmett didn't need my mind reading ability to know we were being gawked at.

"Sound the alarm! The Cullens have returned! Geez, look at these people. You'd think they'd never seen a car full of vampires parading around as humans before. How soon they forget!" He shook his head and then hit the gas.

What seemed like an eternity later (I would know), we were finally speeding up the long driveway to our home. Emmett parked the car in the front of the house. Rosalie quickly retreated to the garage with her husband following close behind. I exited the car and took a long look at the white mansion. It hadn't changed. Esme must have trimmed the overgrowth since returning and even touched up the paint. Our home stood proud and I couldn't help but to cower in the face of its grandeur feeling that I had brought shame upon the good Cullen name.

I walked up the stairs of the porch and opened the front door. Just like the outside, the inside was once again perfection. The protective sheeting had been removed from the furniture and every crevice had been dusted. Fresh flowers once again filled the antique vases. Expensive Jo Malone candles perfumed the air freshening up the long dormant atmosphere. I also noticed that Sinatra, a family favorite, played in the living room. This was all Esme's doing. No matter where we lived, she always managed to make it feel like a home. This was just another way in which she was welcoming me back. She was like a safe harbor. Even if my world was crushed and chaotic, she provided a support system. She wanted me to draw from it strength and hope. While I was feeling far from positive about my situation, I would try to meet her halfway. I had put her through enough lately.

"Edward! You're back!" Esme greeted me with a kiss. She was dressed in jeans and one of Carlisle's button down shirts. Her arms were overloaded with a basket of laundry which she carried into the living room. She sat on the couch and began folding the freshly washed linens.

I leaned on the doorframe watching her.

"Sorry, I'm just getting caught up with some of the housework. These towels needed some refreshing. If you need anything washed, sweetheart, just bring it down and I'll take care of it." Her eyes moved to the towel she was folding. "Why don't you go up to your room and rest for awhile and then later, we'll have a nice long chat about all of this."

I nodded my head absently. She looked up at me and stopped what she was doing for a moment.

"Darling, I've missed you so much. You have no idea how glad I am to have you back."

"Me too." I think.

I quickly made my way to my sanctuary on the third floor, pausing for a moment before opening my door. For two years, this had been my respite from the doldrums of life in Forks. For a period of six months, it had been the place where I could be myself with Bella, not having to worry about stares or gossip or even the grating inanity that was the collective teenage mind of Forks High School. It was wonderful.

We teased, talked, listened, unloaded and decompressed. And I dreamed. I dreamt about what it would be like to spend all of eternity with my best friend. It was the most comforting feeling to think of never having to be alone ever again. Fantasies about declaring our love for one another in front of our family and friends abounded. I don't know if her daydreams included me calling her my wife, but mine did. In my daydreams, I had meticulously planned our honeymoon. First England to see London and some of the other places mentioned in her treasured Austen novels. Next we would move onto France. She would love Paris, but I'm not sure she would love me taking her shopping. Alice wasn't the only one who pictured what would look good on Bella. I had some ideas of my own, but those things would be just for us. I would never ever want another man to see her in the unmentionables I had imagined.

There were certainly more places I wanted to take her, but I couldn't bear to continue to torture myself. I opened the door to my room. It was exactly the same. In fact, there was even the slightest hint of Bella's scent still lingering here. Taking a deep breath, I wanted to curl up on the floor and let it envelop me like some protective embrace. Again, enough torture for now.

Esme had unpacked my room. My books were back on my shelves. My clothes were once again hanging in my closet. However, my music collection was still boxed up. She wouldn't dare touch it. Maybe now was the time to convert them all to digital files. I certainly had time on my hands. And last, but most definitely not least, sitting on my dresser once more were pictures of me with Bella taken last year. I slowly approached them to take a closer look. It's not that I had forgotten about them, but I didn't want to be reminded of our happier times that had slipped through my fingers. This was another way Esme was trying to convince me to have hope.

Happier times had an unintended way of being a knife in your heart. There was the two of us at prom. She outshined every other girl there. The two of us lounging in the meadow. Her wrapped in my arms as we watched fireworks on the Fourth of July. The entire family sitting on the porch enjoying a summer evening together. Bella catching a fish at the fish market in Seattle with the funniest look on her face. Finally, me, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose at a Rolling Stones concert. We had all been big fans in the sixties and Bella had never seen them live. It had been such a memorable night. Even Rose was less of a harpy. It was so fun being all together. We were in the front row and at one point, roadies came over with backstage passes for the girls. Rose and Alice laughed, but Bella turned bright red. With a curt no thank you, I shielded her from their advances. The boys in the band never changed.

I smiled to myself as I recalled all of the good times. Even with my perfect memory, they seemed so long ago. I took our prom picture and sat on the black leather sofa. It had been such a wonderful, normal night. How I longed for those innocent times. We were so happy until I managed to screw it up. I placed the picture over my heart and closed my eyes. What I wouldn't give to have those moments again.

But that was exactly the point, wasn't it? What would I have to give or do to get her back? What would it take to get rid of Victoria and gently remove Matthew from Bella's side? I needed to plan. Decisions had to be made regarding my, well, our future. Why would I be fighting for Bella exactly? I loved her and wanted a normal life for her without being subject to the inherent dangers of vampire nature. But…I didn't want to live without her. How do I reconcile two such opposing ideas?

In Italy, Bella had said that she felt that I was no longer the best thing for her, but that opinion was based upon my actions. It had nothing to do with the world of vampires. Well, this would lead me to believe that she was still open to the world of immortality. Just maybe not with me. She was still angry after all.

On the other hand, if I did leave her human, we would only have a short time together. I would have to leave her again so she could have some semblance of a normal life. I couldn't bear watching her grow old and die. She could also die young. Lives were changed in seconds due to car accidents, the sudden onset of illness or disgruntled employees opening fire. Okay, so maybe I was heavily weighting the downside of humanity with far-fetched possibilities, but these things can and did happen. Maybe leaving her human was the selfish choice after all. And anyway…if those human possibilities did come to pass, they would all end the same way for me: exposing my true self in the sunlight of Volterra.

And then, of course, was the chance of seeing her taken away by Matthew. That was a future I definitely could not bear.

Thus, my mind is made up. I would do anything (short of murder) to get Bella back. I cannot say that I deserved her, but I loved her too much to let her go. I just hoped that Alice was right and that Bella would bestow upon me the most precious of gifts, her love. Once I had her, I would ensure that I would have her forever. She would be my wife. For a long time in my mind, she already was.

I'm not quite sure how long I sat there contemplating my messy state of affairs, but there was a quick knock on my door. I identified the mental voice.

"Come in, Carlisle."

The door slowly opened and my father entered the room. He crossed over to the sofa and took a seat next to me. I was still holding the prom picture in my hand. Carlisle reached over and gently took the frame into his hands. With his head propped up against the back of the sofa, he took a moment to study the picture. Then he smiled.

"That was a wonderful night, wasn't it?" His mind drifting to the past.

"Yes, it was."

Carlisle handed the picture back to me and then stared out into the room.

"It was the first time in eighty-seven years that I had seen you genuinely happy. And it was the first time, I didn't second guess my decision to change you."

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I know you were only doing what my mother asked of you."

"Your mother wanted to give you a chance at life. She couldn't bear to watch you dying. She couldn't have possibly known what she was asking for." He was quiet for a moment. "And I was lonely. I'm sorry." The sentiment still half-buried in his throat.

"Carlisle, you allowed me the chance to meet Bella. I was happy. Beyond what I ever dreamed possible. No, I haven't always been that happy, but how many people can say they were happy their whole life through?"

He sat up and turned to look at me with an almost quizzical look on his face.

"What?"

"Edward, that's almost…for someone who just attempted suicide, that's almost the equivalent to positive thinking. Well, for you anyway!"

I considered this and shrugged.

"Well, let's not get carried away."

Carlisle smirked and then rose from his seat. He walked over to my window, looking out over the river.

"All kidding aside, son, please, please don't ever leave us like that again. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

Carlisle's breathing was strained and he was shuddering. I was once more ashamed by my actions realizing the effect my passing would have had on the family left behind. I had always seen myself as a burden to their happiness. I knew they loved me in their own ways, but I would never even imagine the familial love they felt for me would ever approach the importance and high esteem in which they held each other. It was far beyond what I deserved. All of the sudden, I felt even less worthy and cruel for discounting the love that a father would have for his son.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry that I didn't make you feel loved enough to find any other reason to live. I know that I can be reserved at times with my affections. It's the way I was raised. I left behind a cold, loveless, structured existence over three hundred years ago, but I still cannot seem to be able to shake it off. It's part of my core, part of who I am. I see now that I must change. And let you and the rest of my children know just how important you all are to me. I cannot help but feel that this is somehow all my fault. For changing you. For putting the burden of this life upon your young shoulders. For not letting you know how much I love you and how important you are to me. To this family!"

He was still facing the window as he cried out this confession. I wanted to cry for what I had put him through, but right now I needed to be strong for him. He had always been the rock of our family that I relied on so heavily. I never imagined that he felt this way. I was by his side in an instant.

"Carlisle, this is not your fault! It was all mine! You have been nothing but the best father to me! Always! Please don't think that what I did was because you weren't a good father! Please!"

He turned to look at me. His eyes were dry, but I could see the tears there. He was suffering. I had done this to him just like I did it to Bella. His gaze locked on mine as I silently pleaded with him, hearing him curse himself in his mind. Then he threw his arms around me with a fierceness I had never seen before from this most gentle of souls.

"My boy," He whispered. "Welcome home."

Finally, he let me go.

"We love you, Edward. Above all, you must remember that. Please."

I nodded. "I know you do. It was cruel of me to put you through this."

He gave me a quick pat on the shoulder.

"Now I beg of you to please go hunt. I've never seen your eyes this black before, you need your strength."

"I will."

And with that, Carlisle left the room. Vestiges of his mother land still making him feel embarrassed by such a strong display of emotion.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. There were so many layers of hurt all around me and I suspected more to come.

Still wearing the clothes from Italy, I exited my room and made my way down the stairs. I didn't see any of my other family members as I left the house. I wasn't sure where my car was, but I suspected my family had made arrangements to get it back to Forks. And if my assessment was correct, right now it would be parked in the garage. The same garage where I could hear Rosalie tinkering away. Forget that. I decided to take off to Goat Rocks on foot.

Thirty minutes later, I was perched on an outcropping of rocks watching a black bear unknowingly going about its business. This was my first hunt in two months. I don't think I've ever gone that long, but of course my mind had been otherwise engaged. I channeled the anger I felt at myself into the hunt. In a split second, I lunged at the bear, leaping onto its back. In a swift motion, I broke the animal's neck and it quickly fell to the ground. I hadn't realized just how truly thirsty I had been until the blood was pouring down into my throat. One bear was not enough. After disposing of the corpse, I took off after a herd of deer. After sucking the blood out of eight of them, I finally felt satisfied. My stomach even felt somewhat sloshy.

Soon, I found myself back home. Esme was reading a book on the porch enjoying the crisp evening air. Only a vampire could do that in the punishing cold of March. She was in midst of a book about Jackie Onassis. Mrs. Onassis' style and the way she lived her life was both an inspiration and a comfort to Esme. She was so enamored that in the late sixties, Carlisle even arranged for the two of them to attend a charity gala ball that Jackie O. was hosting in New York City. Esme was radiant that night, but Carlisle even more so at seeing his love so happy. I hoped that I would one day have the chance to do something similar for Bella. I wonder if she would have any objections to me buying her our own version of Pemberley in England.

"_Edward, you look so much better! I'm glad you finally had something to eat!"_

As I was walking past her, I stopped to kiss her on the cheek.

"Thanks, Mom."

Then she recoiled.

"I love you, but please throw those clothes in the wash. You smell like an airport. Better yet, burn them!" She laughed.

"Yes, Mother!" I chuckled and flew up to my room.

Even though most of my things had been unpacked, I wasn't sure if my bathroom had been also. It had not. In fact, it was filled with all new plush white towels and high end Italian toiletry products.

"Let's have a fresh start, shall we? Love Alice XOXOXOXO" read a note (on expensive stationary) taped to the mirror.

I love my sister. No matter how frivolous her ways may be, there were always done with love.

I quickly undressed and stood underneath the hot water. As I washed away the past, I took several deep breaths. Even though, I felt better than I had in months, there was much to be done. Bella. Victoria. The wolves. Matthew. Anger flickered through me once again. I pushed Mr. Rogen to the back of my mind. I would deal with him later. First, I had to make sure Bella was safe, especially with Victoria lurking.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I ran a towel through my hair and looked in the mirror. Though my seventeen year old face had been my constant companion for the last eighty-seven years, I never really looked at it anymore beyond checking it for dirt when I returned from a hunt. But now I wondered, what effect it would have on Bella now that there was someone else in the picture. I was pale. He was not. My hair was a bronzy auburn. His was a rich golden blonde. My eyes were gold. His were a brilliant blue. He was tall. I was taller. Even if only by an inch, it still gave me some satisfaction. But overall, Matthew was quite handsome. He was just the type Jessica and Lauren would swoon over. Bella too. How was I even going to compete?

And then there were other things. I could buy her anything she wanted. Recite a library's worth of poetry at the drop of a hat. Write her love song after love song.

But…he could kiss her. He could hold her tightly.

For a moment, my mind flashed back to the first night we spent in her room together. She was anything but shy. Bella was eager. I thought about what this meant.

He could make love to her.

He could make love to her without the impediments that came with being a vampire. Without old fashioned rules of someone raised with dated Victorian values. Without fumbling because perhaps Bella was not his first. And she would be reminded of everything I'm not while she learned from him.

I swallowed as I considered this possibility. Maybe I was crazy for attempting to get her back. Crestfallen, I looked down at my body lacking in humanity and felt like a fool. Of course, she would pick him. Bella would have a better life with him. But what about my life? I would forever mourn her absence.

I steeled myself and remembered what it was like living without her. The path was not quite clear, but I would have to find a way to win her love. The love that Alice assured me was still there.

All of this was moot if she wasn't safe though. Ever so quickly, I threw on some clothes and ran as fast as I could to the woods behind Bella's house. From the window that was the gateway to my personal heaven, I could hear the steady breaths of an exhausted Bella. She was unharmed. The sound was mingled with Charlie's nasal-rocket snores.

And then I smelled it. Rather, I smelled him. The wolf. I slowly turned around to find Jacob Black leaning against a tree with his arms folded smirking at me. His long hair had been shorn, but the rest of him had grown exponentially it seemed. The boy was now hulking and muscular.

"Hey bloodsucker, I heard you were back in town."

"Yes, we've returned."

"Why are you here? I mean, you up and left her disappearing for months. What gives?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but my family was under the impression that Bella had drowned."

"Yeah, I know that part. Bella had to rush off and save your melodramatic ass. But why are you here now?"

"I want to make sure she's safe."

"Oh you mean like safe from some redheaded vampy bitch out for her blood? Because, asshole, we've been the one protecting and keeping her safe."

"And for that I am most grateful. I left to protect her. Hindsight being 20/20, I know now that it was a mistake and I can't live without her. And from your thoughts, I can tell that neither can you."

"Get the fuck outta my head!"

"Sorry, can't help it." I offered him my best evil smile.

"Well, anyway, we don't need you here. We've got it covered. We take turns keeping an eye on her. She's always protected so go away!"

"Alright, I'll leave for now, but I will do anything and everything to keep her safe."

"Why? Because you think that'll make her take you back? I figured you would already know, but Bella's got a new boyfriend." Ah, such ignorant smugness.

"So I've heard, dog."

I can't believe I was about to do this, but I was hoping to mine his thoughts for more information on Matthew.

"So, tell me, Jacob, what do you think of Matthew?"

He just laughed.

"Oh no, Cullen! I see where you are going with this. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.' Forget it. If it can't be me, I'd rather it be him. Anyone but you."

I got a brief glimpse. Jacob didn't like Matthew, but I got the sense it was because he wouldn't like any boyfriend of Bella's that wasn't him.

",We're done here. So go and stay away fro Bella. And by the way, we're upholding that treaty nice and tight."

"Fine, but just be reminded that who Bella chooses to spend time with is up to her. Not you."

He laughed again.

"Oh Cullen, you're delusional. She may have felt sorry for you, but she's moved on. You're not even on her radar anymore. It's all about _him_."

That stung.

"Good night, Jacob." With one last look at the window, I made my leave. I was glad she had protection, but I was bitter about it not being me.

It was Saturday night and I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. I couldn't pick up Victoria's scent anywhere. I detected the other wolves patrolling the area, sending me their silent warnings to stay away. It would do no good to fight them right now. I decided to go spend some time with my long neglected family.

Monday morning couldn't come soon enough.

_**Thank you so much for your kind words about the last chapter. I truly appreciate it! If you have a moment, please review. Constructive criticism is appreciated!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. **_

EPOV

It had been a long weekend. My family had done everything in their power to make it pleasant, but the possibilities surrounding this Monday morning loomed over us all like a black cloud. I was about to face the prying eyes and the invasive thoughts of a school that waited with bated breath for something, anything to happen. And I was serving up the juiciest high school scandal on a silver platter.

I had spent Sunday night sitting by the river contemplating the day ahead. At 5AM, I decided to go into the house to start preparing myself. Upon entering my room, I found Alice standing in front of my closet studying my wardrobe.

As written in the _The Art of War According to Alice Cullen_, one must enter battle fully prepared. That meant jeans cut for the _right_ silhouette. A shirt that hugs, but not so much as to look vulgar. A jacket that said _I care but not too much and I especially don't care about you_. The understated luxury of black Italian leather boots that didn't scream slave to fashion, but would only be found in Men's Vogue, not Port Angeles. Of course, all of this meant nothing to Alice if she couldn't perfect the artful dishevelment of restrained bedhead. Or as she referred to it in her own technical terms: sex hair.

"All I can say is that we are lucky that I have the trained eye and foresight to buy classic pieces for you otherwise we would be screwed," said Alice in a tone that was altogether grateful.

"Yes, thank heavens for that."

She then proceeded to pull out her clothing choices out for my day ahead and laid them on the couch.

"This will do for now. I have no idea what Matthew looks like yet, but I don't think we can go wrong with classically devastatingly handsome Edward."

"You make me sound like Milan Fashion Week Ken."

"If only," she sighed. "Now hurry up and shower. I'll do the final inspection after you've dressed. I need to go and get ready myself. You're not the only one who is going to be whispered about. My look must be flawless and beyond reproach."

"Aye, aye Captain."

She paused and raised her eyebrows as she looked at me through narrowed eyes.

"Edward, today is not going to be easy. In fact, it may be the hardest day of all. But let's keep in mind that today is not the be-all and end-all, but rather a day of reconnaissance. Let's not overwhelm Bella. I'm sure that Charlie put her through the wringer already and she doesn't need any more stress."

"Alice, I wasn't planning on doing anything that would intentionally cause Bella stress."

"So says you, but I've already seen it in my head. Just don't!"

"Don't what?"

"Like I said, you may not think you are doing anything intentionally, but even the slightest of efforts may cause her to freak. Give her space and time."

I began to protest, "Alice, I wasn't planning ---" Her hand shot up.

"Ahhh! Sure, I believe you." Then she darted from the room.

I meant it. I would never ever do anything to make Bella upset or uncomfortable. I had no idea what she was referring to. It was going to kill me to be in such close proximity after all this time and not be able to go to her. But if it meant that she would not feel pressured or manipulated in any way, then I would go along with keeping this distance between us.

I showered and dressed quickly in my Alice-approved uniform. Once my sister approved of the way I looked (there was no way she was going to let me out of the house without it), I sat on my couch and took a few deep breaths. It was imperative that I was calm before heading back to school. In my head, I know that I would be seeing her with another boy and it was to be expected. But in my heart…I knew there was the distinct possibility that seeing her with somebody else could result in me striding over to them and ripping their head off in broad daylight.

Comforting surely, but not exactly the way to win back Bella's love.

Cutting it as close as possible to the 7AM start time, Alice and I piled into the Volvo at 6:45AM. Esme waved to us from the front porch as we departed. She was brimming with hope for a reconciliation. I hoped that I would have some good news for her. Some day.

Even though the drive was quick, Alice insisted on fiddling with the radio until she finally settled on some torturous music station that celebrated the likes of Britney Spears. Of course, my sister knew every word to every song that celebrated love in the most superficial of sentiments and terms. Her thoughts told me that she was hoping the music would lift my spirits. Funny, I thought she knew me better than that.

At 6:55AM, I pulled into the Forks High School parking lot, an infamous player in my complicated history with Bella. Word had obviously spread like wild fire through the town that the Cullens had returned. It seemed like most of the school was still convened outside awaiting our arrival.

Alice, of course, found this all highly amusing and chuckled, "Welcome back!"

I exhaled and gathered every last shred of strength I had. We exited the car and began to make our way through the crowds. There were many of the familiar faces still blighting the student body. Tyler Crowley still bewildered by what has happening around him and mystified by our presence. Jessica Stanley still couldn't accept the fact that she and her flat iron would never be able to outsmart the Forks humidity. Half of her head was straight and the other half had succumbed to the weather, literally spiraling out of control.

In my swift visual sweep of the landscape, I noticed there was in fact one car missing. An old rusty red truck. But that mystery was quickly solved when I understood why.

It wasn't needed.

Parked near the entrance to the school was a blue Toyota SUV. Exiting simultaneously were Bella and Matthew.

So not only was Matthew driving an SUV which on the slick roads of Forks could easily flip over, but he made no attempts to be a gentleman and open Bella's door for her.

Oh Matthew, Matthew, Matthew…you are just racking up the offenses left and right.

Both of them looked in my direction to see what all the fuss was about. Bella quickly met my stare, but just as quickly looked away. She seemed shy and embarrassed all of the sudden as though she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. Matthew, however, took a moment to take me in. He was wearing the typical uniform of the Pacific Northwest. Jeans, hiking boots, flannel shirt and a Northface jacket. Function over fashion. I could respect that. And more importantly, he looked like he fit in. _Human_.

"Matt, come on." Bella called.

Matthew tore his eyes away from me and followed her into the building with a huge smile on his face. Lucky boy.

"_Talk about if looks could kill! Rogen is going down!"_

"_Rogen AND Cullen? What the hell does Bella have that I don't?"_

"_This is gonna be interesting. Rogen is gonna smack the pretty right off Cullen's face!"_

This was going to be a long day indeed. If I ever made it to class that is. Mrs. Cope had been able to quickly get Alice's schedule together and send her off, but had taken her time to make sure that my schedule was accurate and to my liking. She stared at me with an open-mouthed grin, her chin resting on her hand. I don't think she even noticed she was borderline drooling.

"_Christmas came early this year!"_

"So, Edward, how did you find Los Angeles?" Her eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened.

"Sunny."

"Well, I've never been to California and, gosh, Los Angeles! You must have been bumping into movie stars everywhere!"

"I didn't notice. So, about my schedule…?"

"Oh yes, I've got it right here somewhere." She rummaged through her paperwork until she found the printout she was looking for and hand it over to me.

"It's not exactly like the one you had in September, but it's close."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cope." I made a quick exit and she called out after me.

"Let me know if you have any problems!"

I quickly scanned my schedule once I was out in the hall. It was fairly innocuous. Mrs. Goff for another year of Spanish. Mr. Banner again, but this time for Chemistry. Mr. Molina used to teach that, but it was my understanding that he was let go. Apparently, his exuberance for environmental causes was more due to his flagrant abuse of prescription drugs and not some deep rooted ecological passion. I was not entirely surprised. He had been a cheap replacement for Mr. Banner from the start.

The day progressed much as I suspected it would. Stares as I walked the halls with "Bella" and "Rogen" ringing out in everyone's thoughts. Teachers welcomed me back as the eye candy that made their days bearable. I repeated the stock answers I had prepared about what I thought of LA and why my family had moved back. No one dared speak to me, but they all stared. It was like I had never left.

I didn't see Bella again until lunch. Alice met me when the bell rang and we walked silently to the cafeteria. We moved together through the lunch line gathering our props. Today it would appear that Alice was in the mood for deli while I was in the mood for Italian. However, as I looked down at the limp spaghetti drowning in watered down sauce, I imagined that this was not quite the same dish one would be served in Rome. No matter. I wouldn't be able to taste the difference anyway. In a half hour, I would be putting it out of its misery by scraping into the trash.

Alice led the way to our old table on the perimeter of the cafeteria which remained empty. Once seated, we continued performing _Lunch: A Play in One Act_ for the less discriminating theater lovers of Forks. It was certainly one of our longest running shows and today, it was especially popular as I watched it unfold in the minds of those around us. Our audience was transfixed. We had them on the edge of their seats. Would I, the cad who had abandoned the sweet girl next door, cause a scene now that she had a new lover? Plunge a sword into his side? Would I thunder across the linoleum courtyard and drop to my knees to beg her forgiveness? And what about the long suffering sister? Was she torn between her obligation and allegiance to me and her once deep camaraderie with my former lover? Prying eyes were dying to know.

However, today's performance would be one of restraint. Anyone can put on a showy, self-indulgent display, but it takes a real craftsman to understand that one can say a lot by not saying anything at all. And I had been doing this long enough to know that restraining myself was by far the better choice.

One of my former pupils sat on the opposite side of the room performing her own one woman show, _Really, I'm Fine_. It killed me that she was able to play the role with such conviction. In fact, it seemed like we were dueling each other for the audience's attention. I had taught her well because she too was using restraint. Bella was seated with Matthew, Mike Newton, Jessica, Angela Weber, Tyler, Ben Cheney and Lauren Mallory. She fielded questions about her sudden and frantic disappearance. Matthew was now her protector and stood between her and her interrogators. Immediately, the others turned their undivided attention to him.

And so my dossier began to take shape. I watched the others hang on his every word. They laughed at his jokes and responded to his seemingly easygoing nature with easy smiles. Matthew kept them entertained with stories about life in the big city of Port Angeles. His father had been put in charge of the mill here in Forks and decided that the family should be closer. The elder Mr. Rogen was one who took responsibility very seriously.

What struck me the most about him was just how easygoing he was. He leaned back in his chair feeling fully at ease with all of the attention. However, he wasn't basking in it per se; I doubt Bella would have tolerated him if he did. As before at Bella's house when we returned, Matthew's mind was not easily accessed. He was another player in our theater of restraint. I could hear his thoughts, but they held nothing of what I would expect. He was mostly thinking about the stories he was telling. There was no panic, no unease, no worry about the fact that his girlfriend had disappeared for a few days only to inexplicably return with her ex-boyfriend. The same ex-boyfriend who was sitting in the same room with him now. Very curious indeed. Or…perhaps he was so sure and confident of her love for him that he saw no reason to worry.

"What is it?" Alice asked snapping me back into reality.

"Nothing."

"Yeah, like I believe that. How long have we known each other, Edward?"

"That's the thing. I'm listening to Matthew's thoughts and I'm not finding anything at all about me. Don't you think that's strange? Considering the fact I delivered his barely conscious girlfriend to him only a few days ago?"

Alice thought about it for a moment.

"Yes, that is strange considering it's your first day back and you are both sitting in the same room. Outward appearances are easily controlled, but his heart rate isn't even elevated. It's all very unusual."

"Do you think it means he is confident in their relationship?"

"Possibly. Maybe they had a discussion over the weekend and worked everything out. I couldn't be the one to tell you though because those damn wolves are never far from her. At least you know she is being closely guarded."

I shook off my irritation at Jacob's constant presence.

"I knew he would swoop in the second he got the chance. Perhaps I do owe Rogen after all."

Alice peered at me. "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know though, wouldn't you say?"

"Very true. I cannot get any sort of reading on him at all. He seems like just your average high school student."

"Well, I don't know if I would classify him as average." She glanced over at Matthew and further evaluated him. "For one thing, he does have a certain charisma. I mean, sports and whatnot are a hundred kinds of boring to me, but they all seem so enthralled by what he is saying. And even you have to admit that he is quite good looking. Go Bella!" She chuckled.

I glared at my most favorite sister.

"C'mon, you know I have a thing for blondes!"

I continued to look at her with my most exasperated stare. True to her nature, she stuck her tongue out at me.

"You're incorrigible, Alice."

"I know, isn't it great?"

Alice was the life preserver I would always grab onto during difficult times. In my human life, I was an only child. My immortal life started out much the same. I never imagined having a sibling let alone four of them. With each new addition, there were the inevitable growing pains, but somehow with Alice, our coming together almost seemed fated. She always knows what I need, no psychic gifts necessary. There is no way I would have made it this far in this life without her. The familial bond I feel with her is just as unbreakable as the romantic bond I feel for Bella.

"By the way, Rose texted me…" I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I was still infuriated with her no matter how hard Emmett tried to get me to ease up.

"Once again, I said Rose texted me. The hospital board practically climbed over each other to welcome Carlisle back. His first shift is tonight."

"Well, I'm glad our return to Forks is working out for one of us." I muttered.

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. We emptied our platefuls of food into the trash and bid each other adieu. She went to French class while I went to reacquaint myself with Mr. Banner.

As I went through the door of the classroom, what I saw in front of me caused me to stop in my tracks.

Well, this was…unexpected.

Seated together at our old lab table were Bella and Matthew.

Not surprisingly, my own appearance caused them to look up and stare. Bella stiffened, but looked back at Matthew continuing their conversation. She was whispering, but she undoubtedly knew I could hear everything.

"What time do you get off work at Newton's on Saturday?" Matthew inquired.

"At six."

"Do you have to close the store too?"

"Yes, but Mike will be there too so it should only take a few minutes."

"Okay, so do you want me to pick you up there or at home?"

"Um, home I think. I'd like to change my clothes first."

"Okay, home it is. Call me before you leave the store."

"I will."

Again, Matthew's mind didn't give away much. I wonder what they're doing. She's never had to change clothes when we went out. I didn't know she was still working at Newton's, but I suppose it made sense. I never wanted her to have to work. Ever. I'm a billionaire and even though my family is generous with one another, I've never had the chance to take care of someone else. If Bella would have allowed it, I would have hired a housekeeper so she would never have to do housework again. I would buy her a Mercedes (maybe that new Guardian?) to keep her safe on the roads. I wanted her to have the chance to enjoy the finer things in life. She's always had to do without and she always had to take care of others. I just wanted to take care of her so she knew how much she was loved and how much she meant to me. And even then, it wouldn't be enough.

"Edward, please take a seat. I'd like to start class," said a familiar voice behind me.

Thankfully, he said it so low that no one aside from probably Alice heard. I nodded and headed towards the one empty seat left at a lab table in the very back. My new lab partner would be Angela Weber. Hopefully, she didn't hate me too much. Despite what I thought, she smiled as I sat down on the stool by the aisle.

"Welcome back, Edward," whispered Angela. It was the first kind voice I had heard all day. I gave her my most forced smile. It was all I could manage at the moment.

"Thank you, Angela."

I was now seated one row back on a diagonal from Bella. I had a clear view of the two of them. They weren't speaking and she had her head down. She was drawing mindlessly. Maybe not so mindlessly because her left hand was clenched tightly around the seat of her stool. Matthew noticed this too and reassuringly put his right hand on top of hers. She looked up at him and he smiled at her.

Bastard.

In his thoughts, I could see her smiling back at him. She looked tense, but her smile was indeed genuine. How I wished it was for me.

"_Poor Edward. I know he was the one who left, but this must be killing him. He looks absolutely devastated. They haven't even spoken," thought Angela._

Poor Edward. Hmph. No one ever said that to my face, but it was always included in conversations I overheard and in other people's thoughts. Poor Edward…he's all alone, he's so depressed, he'll never find love, he's so moody, he's so tightly wound, he's such a know it all.

I hoped and prayed that I could work things out with Bella so I would never have to hear that loathsome label ever again. I didn't want to have to exist under the influence of the darker corners of my mind.

Mr. Banner wrote some nonsense relating to compound formulas on the board and launched into his usual spiel.

"Well, Happy Monday everyone. Welcome back."

I half-heartedly listened to what he had to say. I wasn't missing anything. Mr. Banner was only making a half-hearted effort. Apparently, he had an exhausting weekend and had been nagged all weekend by his wife about various domestic issues. School was a respite for him.

"Okay kids, I'm going to be passing out a worksheet with some formulas that need balancing. We'll do that for the rest of the class and then I can see the progress we're making."

Ah, he was taking the easy way out. He enthusiastically passed out the worksheets and let us get to work while he sat silently at his desk watching us. I quickly finished, but pretended that I was checking over my work to avoid any notice. I looked up to see Bella working through the formulas. Matthew was sneaking sideways glances at her paper. Ah, so he wasn't smart enough to handle a few elementary chemistry formulas. Interesting. I would take anything and everything that I could get.

Yet, something else caught my attention. Matthew wasn't the only one sneaking glances of Bella. Apparently, Bella featured in many of Mr. Banner's fantasies. He watched her with eagle eyes as she surveyed her work and got that little crease of concentration on her forehead. He found it so endearing and the mark of a good student.

He also wondered what my Bella looked like naked.

I knew that he always had a bit of a crush on Bella, but now he was taking it too far. Before it was just her eyes or lips that had him so entranced, but he had taken his disgusting daydreams to a whole new level. Bella was the complete antithesis of what was waiting for him at home.

Mr. Banner: scholar, chemistry teacher, family man and now _dirty old man_.

I would deal with him later.

I turned my attention back to Bella and Matthew. Or as she called him, Matt. It was a biblical name. Of course, in my more modern vernacular it meant asshole. I would never use such base terms when speaking, but was it my fault that these modern words had found their way into my vocabulary?

They had finished and now were whispering again.

"Bella, are you okay?" He prodded.

"I'm fine." She answered quickly.

"Has he bothered you at all today?"

"Matt, I told you no. Now, just don't talk about him. Please." She was frustrated. It broke my heart that my presence caused her so much unease, but I couldn't escape the fact that it was my actions, my utter stupidity that had brought us to this place.

Mr. Banner called the class to order and we handed in our work. The bell rang not soon after and everyone scrambled for the door. He was waiting patiently as she gathered up her things. I couldn't help but look back at her once more just before I went out the door.

She had always been my missing other half. We were connected. Forever. Therefore it came as no surprise that she could sense my stare. She slowly brought her eyes to mine and we held each other for a moment, but she was the first to turn away. I looked at Matthew to see him looking in my direction. And…just for a split second, I saw something flicker in his eyes. Anger, jealousy, frustration. I couldn't be sure. Hopefully all three and then some. So Mr. Rogen is not as easygoing as he appears.

I left the room and went to be reunited with Mrs. Goff. Her indifference at my presence warmed my heart just like it always did. In her mind, I was just one less student she had to worry about since my Spanish was superior to hers. It was a silent agreement that she wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't bother her. This couldn't have worked out more perfectly for me. It gave me an opportunity to think about Bella.

It was only my first day back at school with her and I knew that everything was raw. I knew that nothing would happen today, but it was still a huge day for me knowing that she was so close to me for the first time in months. All I received were two short albeit intense stares. It took everything I had not to go to her and beg her to give me another chance. But I know that I couldn't do that to Bella. Volterra was less than a week ago. She had a lot to process and knowing Bella, I'm sure she was experiencing some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn't want to add to that. I'm sure the interrogation from Charlie and inevitable punishment were more than my poor girl could handle.

And what a timely reminder it was after my last class to see that she was no longer my girl as she embraced Matthew while standing by her truck. He kissed the top of her head and then they slowly pulled away.

"Have a good day at work, Bella," he whispered.

"As good a time a klutz can have surrounded by weapons disguised as sporting goods," she laughed.

"That's my girl."

I came to a grinding halt when I heard that. Bella got into Mike Newton's waiting car and off they went to work.

I knew…I knew that she was no longer mine, but to hear those words come out of his mouth…

My anger raged inside of me. I wanted to grab him and run with him to the quarry just outside of Forks. I had visions of subjecting him to every torture known to man and then I few more that I would invent on the spot. I had to do something now. I couldn't wait until I got home.

Across the parking lot, I spied Mr. Banner's rusting Chrysler Le Baron. I quickly walked over and without anyone noticing, I slashed two of his tires killing two birds with one stone so to speak.

Alice was leaning against the Volvo as I walked over. She was smirking and then raised one eyebrow at me.

I just shrugged.

_**Thank you again for all your kind words. I appreciate the support more than you know.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**

_**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay. I had the worst writer's block when it came to writing this chapter.**_

"Getting up" and getting ready for school each morning was unbearable. It almost made me yearn for the sheer boredom of the days before Isabella Marie Swan entered my life. Counting cracks in the lunchroom ceiling seemed like a far more welcome occupation than having to face the fact that she wanted nothing to do with me.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since we had returned from Italy. I respected her wishes and each day became more painful as I watched her from a distance. Well, them really. The two young lovers were the picture of teenaged romance. They met each other after class, picked out each other's food in the cafeteria line and sometimes they would just sit in his SUV after school just talking and listening to music. If I wasn't doubled over in metaphorical anguish, I would be nauseated.

I hoped she was happy. She seemed to be and that's what I always wanted for her. I'd just wished I was the one making her happy.

I had taken as much as I could of the blossoming love story on display and was now spending all my lunch periods in the library much to Alice's disappointment, but she understood. My self-imposed lunchtime exile was a bit of a disaster. I had read almost every book in the library already. A trip to some bookstores in Seattle was in order. Also, there was always a freshman or sophomore girl with misguided romantic hopes about the "hottie" loner sitting across from them. I wondered if Bella even noticed I was gone.

Everyday that I saw her wrapped up in her new world…well…my heart broke all over again. She had really meant it when she said that she wanted nothing to do with me. Every night, I would sit alone in my room in the dark staring out at the forest and the night sky. I stayed like this until it was time to go to school. I was keeping to myself as to not be a burden to my family. They had been through enough. Occasionally, I broke down crying. Esme and Alice would silently enter my room and sit down next to me, putting their arms around me. Truly, I didn't want to be alone. I did want someone to comfort me and tell me everything would be alright. And that's just what they did. They were hopeful when I could not be.

With their encouragement, I decided that I would try to talk to Bella. Would she allow me that privilege? I had left her alone for two long weeks. Maybe now that she had seen how I was trying to be respectful of her, she would just give me a moment of her time. I wasn't quite sure what I would say to her. _Hi Bella, a little part of me dies everyday when I see you with Matthew? I'm sorry I almost got you killed by some of the most dangerous creatures on earth who are now dead set on ripping your humanity out of my hands?_ Hmmm, I don't think those sentiments would make her leave Matthew and forgive me.

I reasoned with myself as to what would be the best way to approach her. School was out since Rogen was around. And if anyone saw me talking to her, there would be gossip. Bella didn't need that. I couldn't go to her house. Chief Swan would kill me and Rogen might be there. Also, it was protected almost around the clock by the wolves. An altercation of some sort would most definitely ensue. That left me only one place. Newton's Outfitters. I would wait until the store was slow and then go in. I debated taking Emmett with me in hopes that he might keep Mike busy. I also figured it was the one place that she couldn't avoid at me.

Bella's schedule changed weekly so I parked near the store after school in hopes that she would be there. It turned out that she was not working until Wednesday of that week. I watched as she pulled her red truck into the parking lot in the front of the store. Before getting out, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was almost as though she was bracing herself for something. Finally, she exited and walked into the building almost tripping when her toe got caught in the gravel. While I didn't want her to fall, the action made me smile. It was rare to see Bella unaccompanied these days and seeing her like this now was reminiscent of her early days in Forks.

A moment later, I was watching her through Mike's eyes. Yes, yes, Mike, Bella is beautiful, Bella is stunning and I'll even allow for Bella is hot. Now would you kindly put your tongue back in your mouth and be a bit more dignified? No wonder Bella embraced Rogen the way she did. It was slim pickings in Forks.

"Hey Bella!" Newton scurried up to her from behind the counter like a lovesick puppy and offered her a toothy grin.

"Oh hey, Mike." He barely gave her room to get into the actual store, let alone gave her room to breathe.

He just stood there and stared at her. Bless her heart; she was so kind to even the dumbest and most lame of God's creatures.

"Um Mike…do you mind if I go put my things in the back?" She asked sweetly.

"Oh! Of course! Sorry about that!" He moved out of her way. She smiled at him and he watched her walk away. Down, boy.

I was just about to groan as I thought about what a nuisance Mile would be if I tried to speak to Bella, but a hunter green SUV pulled up in front of the store. Some yuppie males exited the car and mentally derided the less than impressive environs.

"This place is a joke." Said the short man with the hair plugs wearing almost the entire contents of the LL Bean catalog.

"Thank God we're only passing through. Ugh, the way these people dress! And the way that that waitress just stared at me when I asked if the eggs were free range or grain fed!"

They entered the front door and I waited until they had engaged Mike in their search for hiking gear before I entered.

I was dreading this conversation. In fact, I was afraid. Petrified, even. I almost wasn't sure if I could even get out of the car. But I was going to have to do it if I wanted to get Bella back. This 110 lb. human girl had become my center of gravity and now I was at her mercy.

I took a deep breath and got out of the car. Through the glass, I could see Bella behind the register going over some paperwork. She was wearing jeans and a plaid flannel button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Her hair hung in a curtain, straighter than usual. No matter, she was still beautiful beyond words.

The bell on the door alerted Bella to someone new entering the store and she looked up expecting to greet a new customer. She wore a genuine smile, but it became brittle upon the realization that I had invaded her space. She knew she had to deal with seeing me at school, but Newton's Outfitter's was her safe place. She didn't have to worry about people whispering or sidelong glances or even an awkward encounter. It was the one place in her life deemed normal because even her home, surrounded by wolves, held reminders of the unnaturalness of her everyday life.

Bella said nothing and I almost believed that she had no intention of speaking to me ever again. But after a moment of questioning stares, she finally verbally acknowledged me. I realized that it was foolish of me to think that she wouldn't speak to me. This was Bella after all. She didn't have it in her to be cruel.

"Hello Edward." She said tentatively.

If I had a heart, it would be in my throat right now. She hadn't spoken directly to me in so long. I had to remind myself to answer her before I got lost looking into her eyes.

"Hello Bella."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"Why?"

"I was hoping we could talk."

She looked down and started to sort through her paperwork.

"What could we possibly have to talk about?"

"Well…I wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you came to Italy to save me. It's something I'll never forget and I wanted you to now just how much it meant to me."

"You're welcome." She didn't look up from what she was doing. Bella wasn't about to give up control of the conversation. She always had a stubborn streak about her, but I had never quite witnessed the anger that seethed from her as it did now. I dared to make my next request.

"I also came because I was hoping now that some time has passed that maybe we could…be friends again. Or at least acknowledge that the other exists. I can't even begin to explain how much I've missed talking to you. I'm so happy to see you're doing well, but knowing that you're so close and not even being able to say hello to you, well, I don't have the words to describe it. Is that something you would be open to? Being friends? You've moved on. I know that."

That got her attention and finally she looked up at me.

"Matthew seems like a really nice person and I'm glad that he brings you happiness. It's not my intention to cause problems for you, but please, Bella, let me have a place in your life. Please talk to me."

She shifted her weight and crossed her arms in front of her. Looking off into the distance, she shook her head in disbelief.

"Edward, I stand here absolutely amazed by your complete and utter self-centeredness on display."

My jaw dropped as she continued. I don't know why. I was getting what I deserved.

"Yes, self-centeredness. You come into my work to tell me how much _you_ are hurting. How much _you_ have missed me. How difficult it's been for _you_ to have me so near. Oh how you've suffered, Saint Edward! You're unbelievable."

"Bella, I just miss you so much and I'm so sorry for everything. I need to have you in my life. Please understand that." My voice was weak. It barely escaped my throat.

"Again, you're so wrapped up in how all of this has affected you that you haven't stopped to consider how we ended up here to begin with. All of this happened because you decided how I should live my life. You, the mind reader, apparently knew just how much love I was capable of. You also believed that I would forget about you one day. And now here you are making decisions for me once again because _you_ are ready to pick up where we left off. I don't know how the great Edward Cullen does it. Wow, you suffered a whole two weeks without me speaking to you before you decided that it was too much. Everything has always been on your terms without any consideration for my feelings."

"Bella, one of us had to make those decisions. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I did it because I love you. The more time we spent together, I could see just how naïve you were about how dangerous and my family are. A normal person runs away from danger, not toward it. You couldn't see that every moment you spent with me was bringing you closer to getting killed! I know you don't believe it, but leaving you was truly a sacrifice. It was like cutting my heart out."

"I'll bet. That was an Oscar winning performance and how lucky I was that it was just for me. And by the way, I wasn't naïve, Edward. I saw the bigger picture. I saw you. You just didn't think you were worth it. And now, through your magnanimous decisions, I have to wonder if you were right all along. For someone to be so cruel, how can they be worth anything to anyone?"

I never thought I would hear such vitriol spew from the same lips that had kissed me, loved me and unlocked a world of possibilities once believed to have died with my humanity. She was hardly finished. Her eyes were angry and sparkling with rage.

"You say that what happened in Italy is something you'll never forget? Good. You'll have a long time to think about how cruel and selfish you were. Seven months, Edward! Seven months where I had died," She said through gritted teeth while trying to keep her voice down. "Now you're back for two weeks and you decide it's more than you can bear? Again, you fail to see how one-sided your decision-making process is. You have no right to come in here and talk to me as though we just had some minor tiff that we can pass off as something as simple as water under the bridge. Go to hell, Edward."

Dumbfounded, I just stood there unable to move. I knew that I had damaged Bella, but never before had I realized just how thoroughly I had destroyed her.

It took me a few minutes before I was able to resurface from this revelation. Bella had disappeared into the back and somewhere on the edge of my thoughts, I realized that Mrs. Newton had entered the store. She had been speaking to me, but it barely registered.

"Edward?" I turned to see her taking off her coat and unwinding her scarf from her neck.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Newton. My mind was somewhere else. What were you saying?"

"I was just wondering if everything was alright, dear."

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"Edward, I know you and Bella are having a difficult time, but I have to ask you not to bring your issues into the store. I know young love is intense and dramatic, but please keep it to your selves." I pleaded.

"Mrs. Newton, I'm so profoundly sorry. I apologize for any distress or discomfort I've caused you. It was all me. Bella had nothing to do with it. Please don't let this reflect badly upon her."

"Of course it won't. Sweetheart, I know you two have been through _something_, but don't worry, it will all work itself out."

The woman had brought Mike Newton into this world. She was obviously capable of great acts- both terrible and sublime. Here she was comforting the town cad that everything would be alright. I was beginning to have an uneasy affection for her.

I nodded and offered my most sincere smile.

"Thank you, Mrs. Newton. I appreciate your understanding and kindness."

I spent the night replaying my conversation with Bella over and over again in my head. How would I ever get through to her? How could I fix this? For the most part, my family had given me a wide berth since my return from Italy. However, Alice and her big mouth had informed everyone what had transpired at Newton's. They offered their condolences as well as their unsolicited advice. As much as I resented being told what I should do, I know that I was in no position to argue.

Emmett and Jasper, of course, thought that the easiest route was the right one: kill Matthew Rogen. I rejected that idea for obvious reasons. Jasper also thought it would be funny to manipulate Matthew's emotions and have him hit on Mike Newton in front of Bella.

I had not completely ruled out that idea.

Rosalie had no advice to give me as she had maintained her silence as penance for recent events. She just entered my room and put her hand on my shoulder. I didn't acknowledge her as I sat on the floor looking out into the starry night, but I didn't recoil at her touch either. For us, that was progress.

Esme and Alice presented a united front. The two of them paced at different intervals back and forth in my room while doling out advice.

"Of course she rejected you! You rejected her first!" Said Alice pointing out the obvious.

"I love you, son, but if you had told me I was no good for you, I don't think they would have found me despondent on the forest floor. I would have torched the whole damn forest just to begin to try and forget that memory!"

"She loves you, Edward. I know she does, but it will take some time to regain her trust. And you can't expect her to dump Matthew right away. He's innocent in all of this." Alice reminded me.

Not surprisingly, Carlisle backed them up. We sat in his office for hours where I confessed to him all of my misdeeds when it came to Bella and my time away from my family. My father just listened to me. He knew me the best out of anyone in the family and he was the one I was most comfortable with. And he had also known me during the ninety years I was without a companion, a lover, a Bella. No one knew better than Carlisle what it was like to be so very alone.

The afternoon light streamed through the windows as I recounted what had happened at Newton's. I was seated in one of the brown leather club chairs across the desk from Carlisle.

"She hates me, Carlisle. I'll never give up on her, but she hates me. I mean, I wouldn't forgive me either. How do I do this? I thought I was a monster before, but I've really taken the word monster to new depths."

"Edward, son, forgive me, but I don't have to remind you that you told Bella some of the most soul-crushing things a person could ever hear about themselves."

I looked down at the floor too ashamed to look my father in the eye.

"Please, stay with me. Like I said, you told her those things and then followed up with your actions to cement to Bella that you indeed meant every word you said. You were consistent in your words and actions. You may have lied to her and perhaps there was a part of you that believed she would see through it, but actions speak louder than words. Maybe if you had stayed in Forks after telling her this, you might not have stuck to your word. However, you left."

He gave me a moment to come to my own conclusions.

"You're basically saying I need to reinforce my apology by doing things that show her I love her."

"Yes. I agree with Esme and Alice that Bella will indeed forgive you and you will be reunited. But, in the meantime, show her with your actions that you love her so she can never doubt you. Give her the time and space she needs."

"But Carlisle…I did give her time and she treated me with contempt."

"Two weeks. You gave her just two weeks. That's hardly enough time for her to catch her breath."

"I know. I just miss her and it kills me to know that she is in such close proximity and I can't go to her."

"What is that passage from Corinthians? 'Love is patient. Love is kind.' Be kind, Edward. Allow her to heal in her own time. On her own terms. You did things your way before. Try living by her rules for awhile. Show her your love is unwavering and available to her when she is ready."

I took Carlisle's words to heart and the next day at school, I kept my distance from Bella. I followed her through the thoughts of others, but I stayed out of her sight as much as I could. I think, well, I hope my actions would contribute to her peace of mind.

It wasn't until after lunch that I discovered that it was all for nothing.

Per my usual lunchtime routine, I was in the library looking for a book that I had not already read. My choices were a book on the history of the lumber industry in the Pacific Northwest and _Confessions of a Shopaholic_. Yes, I was in dire need to a weekend trip to Seattle. That or I was going to be placing a huge rush order through Amazon when I returned home after school.

As I was returning the books to their respective places on the shelf, I saw my own image in someone's mind. I turned around to find Matthew staring me down. His blue eyes were blazing and his jaw was set. Rogen was ready to attack.

"Edward…" His voice was full of daggers.

"Yes?" I was polite. God help me, I was polite. I had to keep reminding myself that Bella didn't need any additional stress. In all honesty, he didn't deserve my hatred. He wasn't the one who had hurt Bella.

"We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Matthew, Bella's boyfriend."

He paused for effect. I made a mental note to add "flair for dramatics" to my dossier. No, he would no do for Bella at all.

"What can I do for you, Matthew?"

"You can start by staying the hell away from Bella. She doesn't need any more of your drama. You know, like showing up at her place of business and starting shit."

"I'm sorry if I caused her any distress."

"Distress doesn't even begin to cover it. Look, I don't know what went on in your relationship before I moved to Forks, but it's rather obvious that you damaged her deeply. She was a mess when I got here. She was going through hell. Finally, we became friends and she started to come out of it. I fixed her. Me. She's the most wonderful person I've ever met and I'm not gonna allow you to ruin her again."

How could I be angry with the boy? He was just trying to protect her, but there was something about him I just couldn't stomach aside from the obvious.

"I have no intention of hurting Bella ever again. I can assure you of that."

"Then don't harass her at work or anywhere else for that matter. She was in absolute hysterics yesterday when she came home. Charlie was about to hunt you down and throw your ass in jail. Lucky for you, I was there to calm him down. So, Edward, stay the hell away from her. If you care about her at all, stay the hell away from her. Do you hear?"

"Yes, I understand, but Matthew…I'll stay away from Bella, however, I won't stop her if she can't stay away from me."

His eyes narrowed and a very distinct angry sigh could be heard as he walked away from me.

Hey, she did come all the way to Italy for me. Maybe I was being overly optimistic, but Rogen wouldn't have felt the need to seek me out if he didn't feel threatened.

At that moment, the bell rang and I was off to my next class. Soon, I found myself in Chemistry with the happy couple as they huddled together. I quickly and quietly slid into my seat and took out my notebook. I began drawing just so I wouldn't have to concentrate on the growing bond happening to my left. A moment later, Angela greeted me and then Mr. Banner began class. He moved between the desks to distribute papers.

"Today, we will be attempting a new lab that will be outlined on these worksheets that I'm handing out. Now, Mr. Yorkie, would you kindly get down that box of equipment from that top shelf?"

Eric Yorkie followed Mr. Banner's instructions and used the small step stool in order to reach the shelf. As he reached for the box, Eric quickly lost his footing and stumbled backwards to the ground. The sound of his head smacking the floor rang out through the room immediately followed by the aroma of fresh blood seeping out of his cracked skull.

Eric's blood was nowhere as appealing or potent as Bella's blood. However, it was blood nonetheless and I was still a vampire who had not been hunting in awhile. A very hungry, bloodsucking vampire.

I stopped breathing and for a quick minute, my panicked expression met Bella's wide eyed stare. I grabbed my notebook and stole out of the room, running down the hall. At the end of the hallway, I found an unlocked door to a janitorial closet. Amidst the chemical-rich cleaning products, I took a shaky yet deep breath and then tried to steady the flow of oxygen to my lungs.

As I continued to get a hold of myself and the crazed beast I was trying to contain, the door opened and Bella quickly shuffled inside closing the door behind her. She remained with her back against the door. She almost seemed incredulous at her own actions. She watched me try to get a hold of myself as I knelt on the ground, rubbing the heels of my palms over my eyes. If I could have sobbed, I would have. I was ashamed of my nature. Bella, my love, was witnessing me breaking down. My anger grew and I silently berated myself for not hunting properly. She was seeing me for the weak fool that I am.

Very slowly, she walked over to me. I couldn't bear to look her in the eye. A moment later, I felt Bella's calming hands brushing her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and let the sensation of serenity wash over me, quieting my body. I had so desperately missed her touch.

This was not exactly how I pictured the moment when I might reconnect with Bella, but it was heaven. I could have been lolling in the meadow with her as far as I was concerned – not having a panic attack amongst brooms and mops.

Then, in the most beautiful and generous gesture, she drew my head to rest against her midsection. My emotions took over as she was comforting me and I wrapped my arms around her torso.

We stayed in this dream-like state for another moment before the door started to open. Bella quickly extricated herself from my embrace. A second later, Matthew poked his head in the door and surveyed the scene. His eyes zeroing in on me.

"Bella? Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine. Let's get back to class." Said Bella as she pushed past him.

And then she was gone. With him. Away from me.

Before they departed, he had given me a meaningful look loaded with warnings of every kind.

Lingering in the room after their departure was a familiar scent not present when I first entered the room.

Something told me I was about to be thrown a wicked curve ball.

_**A/N: For the record, I love Confessions of a Shopaholic. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**_

**EPOV**

CHAPTER 5

With renewed fervor to convince Bella to forgive me and to separate her from Matthew forever, it became my mission to find out as much about…him…as possible. Isn't that what great fighters always say? Know your enemy? Well, I was going to go far beyond the local Forks gossip and become intimately acquainted with one Matthew Rogen.

I already knew a little about him from his own stories, but I knew nothing of how it came to be that he was drenched in Victoria's scent. I mean, she was _so_ obvious about it. She may as well as drape strands of crimson red hair all over his clothing.

His clothing. He wasn't wearing that hooded sweatshirt when we were in Biology. Where did it come from? Was it intentional? Or was she playing a game? Was Victoria shadowing an innocent in hopes of getting closer to Bella?

Oh Victoria, you are wicked one. You need not inflict physical pain when you can just torture me emotionally. Was it true? Could Matthew be innocent in all of this? Would I, in fact, now have to protect Bella's new boyfriend from Victoria? This is just like when Communism fell in Russia. The Cold War was a war won without firing a single shot. Bravo, Red, Bravo.

Well, for now, Bella was being protected by the wolves and perhaps I would get around to watching over her boyfriend. If he dies before I can protect him, we'll just chalk it up to that being the breaks of living in Forks. Or I'll just blame the wolves. I patted myself on the back for that moment of clarity. Later. Right now, I felt that my time would be better spent doing reconnaissance. And Alice could look after Matthew if he really needed it. After all, she always had a thing for blondes and, knowing Alice, she would find a way to turn it into some bizarre foreplay scenario with Jasper touching upon his jealousy issues. Alice always knew how to turn lemons into lemonade. Well, at least it would give him a break from all the guilt.

With that settled, I needed to decide where to start. The usual teenage haunts in Port Angeles I suppose: coffee shops, book stores and diners. I did remember seeing the high school set hanging out by the actual port several times.

For a moment, I considered what approach would work best. I mentally surveyed my arsenal of tactics and strategy finally deciding upon the old friend that served me well. I would flirt shamelessly with the female population of Port Angeles High School. I was deadly just by being my brooding, loner self, but I was absolutely fatal when I turned on the charm and made the effort. Or so they told me.

I skipped my last class and jogged at a human pace to my car. Now that I had found a way to take control of the situation, I felt much better. Lighter. Giddy. And if he doesn't have ties to Victoria, I'm sure I can uncover the truth about some raging sexually transmitted disease he gifted to a cheerleader. All the better with which to warn Bella. It was cloudy as I got into my car and started the engine, but I could have sworn the sun was shining and the birds were chirping.

Soon, I found myself in Port Angeles. It was a bit early for school to get out for the day so I headed to the local bookshop. Between my moping and the breakdown of my existence, I had read everything in sight. Perhaps I would find something new. Although, lately, I was too busy plotting and scheming to wile away my hours reading.

After a few minutes of perusing the stacks, I noticed that there was a changing of the guard at the front desk. The older gentleman who had been manning the register was changing places with a young girl named Susan. She was average in every way. Mousey brown hair. Non-descript features. Not unattractive, just not striking or noticeable. I'm sure Alice could do something with her baggy, unflattering clothes. I was able to discern that Susan was a lover of Jane Austen, a patron of the Port Angeles Grindery and the most admired member of the math club at Port Angeles High. I'm not sure that she and Matthew Rogen would have moved in the same social circles, but if a lifetime of mind reading had taught me anything, she was just the type that would experience unrequited love from afar with say…a popular football player. With my target in sight, I grabbed a copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ and headed to the counter.

Esme and Alice would ring my neck for what I was about to do. I knew preying on this poor girl was beyond the pale, but I needed to know about Rogen. Oddly enough, I was feeling an uneasy kinship with Rosalie all of the sudden who flaunted her charms for personal gain. It's not that I hadn't done it in the past, but with Bella having revived my humanity, I now felt guilty and a little cheap. But really it was for the greater good.

I joined the line at the register and waited for Susan to finish ringing up the other customers before I went in for the kill. Finally, it was my turn and there was no one else behind me so I could take my time. I slid my book to her across the formica counter and looked her squarely in the eye with the same intensity I used on Bella when I wanted her to kiss me.

_Oh my God…_

It had never failed me in the past and it hadn't failed me now. Well, in truth, I think it stopped working on Bella since the whole me-leaving-her-for-her-own-good thing.

_Okay, this is like a Big Foot moment or something. No one is ever going to believe a guy this hot came into the store, let alone exists!_

And we're off…

"This is a really great book. Great choice." Susan offered with her green eyes shining.

I leaned in and whispered, "I must confess it's actually one of my favorites. I wore out my copy so I needed to pick up a new one."

Actually, I despised The Catcher in the Rye with the fire of a thousand suns. Holden Caulfield was a ridiculously spoiled and entitled brat. Yet, the youth of the last few decades had canonized him as their patron saint. They related to his whining and saw themselves in him. It went over their heads that he was a pathetic character. They just saw their own internal struggles and unfair expulsion by the gatekeepers of society perfectly encapsulated in him. Apparently, the concept of personal responsibility left a bad taste in their mouths. To them, their own projection of themselves onto him was the mark of the individual, the outcast, the outsider. By purchasing this book, I may as well have slicked back my hair and rolled a pack of cigarettes in the sleeve of a white t-shirt with a black leather jacket slung over my shoulder.

Susan was still feeling the effects of my breath and, as expected, was becoming much more open and docile by the second.

"Really?"

"So much so that I drove in from Forks to buy it instead of waiting for Amazon to deliver it."

"You're from Forks?" _Hmmm, not too far away. Not far away at all._

"Yeah, I'm a senior at Forks High. I'm Edward."

"I'm…I'm…um…Susan."

"You sure about that?" I chuckled. Sometimes I amazed even myself and not in a good way.

"Yeah, sorry. So, Forks, huh?"

"Yes, unfortunately, our library is severely lacking and there is an absence of decent bookstores. Usually, I go up to Seattle every so often to hit the bookstores there. I just like to get lost in the stacks. Buying books online has got nothing on the bookstore experience, ya know?"

_Thank you, Jesus! I knew you would come through. He's perfect. Absolutely perfect! I will never doubt you again._

"However," I continued, "I haven't been able to get to Seattle hence today's little foray into Port Angeles."

"Well, we're always getting new shipments of books in so feel free to peruse the books anytime. It'll save you gas money."

"Yes, Earth's finite resources have concerned me on more than one occasion." She giggled. Had I been human, I would seriously consider a career in the theater.

"You know, Susan, if I remember correctly, we have a transfer student from Port Angeles. Hmmm, what was his name again? Matthew…Matthew…?"

"Matthew Rogen?"

"Yes, that's the one. Were you close friends?"

"Me? Friends with Matthew Rogen? Um, no, not exactly."

"Really? Hmmm. Seems like a nice enough guy."

"Well, he certainly is a nice guy."

"But…?" I pressed further.

"Well…Edward, you're going to get me in trouble!" She laughed.

"And what's wrong with that?" I teased. "I don't really know him very well to be honest. He seems like more of the jock type and as you can tell, I'm not."

"That pretty much sums it up. We didn't exactly run with the same crowd. I'm a bit of a geek by his standards."

"A geek? Why? Because you read books? And he's above it all because he's the big man on campus? A football god or something? Typical." I commiserated.

"He pretty much mocked anyone who bothered to do their homework or cracked a book. Teachers just passed him under pressure from the football coach. He only hung out with the rest of the football team and trampy looking, rather _obvious_ blondes."

Well, none of this added up at all. Bella was the epitome of a bookworm and aside from her own obvious beauty, she was perfectly content blending in. Yet, it would appear that in her eyes, Matthew was a great comfort. Not an emptyheaded caveman.

"And even though he wasn't a football god anymore, he certainly acted like he still owned the place with everyone at his beck and call." Susan leaned in and whispered, "He's hot and all, but he's a real bastard. Of course, that made all the girls want him even more. Such an arrogant prick." She winced. Perhaps embarrassed at her own sailor-like language.

"Yes, he does sound like one. One thing though, why was he no longer a 'football god' anymore?"

"Oh! Well, he was on the varsity team when he was a freshman so, of course, he was full of himself, but the summer between sophomore and junior year, the rumor was that he developed some sort of muscle or nerve problem. I don't know exactly. I just know that he couldn't play anymore. And if we thought he was a jerk before, it was nothing compared to him after he was robbed of his athletic prowess. But it did nothing to slow him down. He still plowed through the cheerleaders and every other girl with a pulse. Like he had something to prove. Well, I guess he did want to prove something. After all, college scouts were courting him. He planned on a professional career in the NFL. But that all went away."

"Hmmm. Interesting. I had heard mutterings about his athletic greatness, but I had no idea he was the school golden boy. He actually comes across as…dare I say…humble."

"So do sociopaths at first."

"Sociopaths? You think he's a sociopath?" I searched Susan's mind for examples of such behavior, but couldn't find anything to suggest there was something sinister in his character. That could have been because she was imagining herself introducing me to her parents. She had pegged me as a bad boy poet who would make her friends jealous.

"Well, maybe that was a little harsh. He's not a sociopath. Just one of those people, ya know _popular _people, who are only nice when they want something. Like class notes. Or for you to do their portion of a group project."

Susan's voice became strained as she remembered being manipulated by the kind smile of the cute jock. She wanted so badly to believe that she couldn't or wouldn't fall into that trap, but she inevitably did. I tried to be sympathetic to her obvious embarrassment and scorn.

"Yes, I suppose it's happened to us all at some point."

She shook her head. "I can't see you ever being persuaded to do something like that, Edward."

"Aye, a fine set of eyes has been my undoing more times than I care to admit."

I was making references to Jane Austen now. Susan may as well have been a puppy dog about to follow me home with all the crumbs I was dropping in her path. I took this as my cue to leave.

"Anyway, now that I've indulged my literary crack habit, I need to get home to finish my homework."

I picked up a copy of a Martin Amis book from a nearby display and added it to my purchase. After all, I would need something new to read at lunch. "Why don't we throw this one in as well?"

"Martin Amis? I haven't read any of his books. Is he another great romantic?"

How could I convey that Austen and Amis did not exactly go hand in hand? Jane would be rolling over in her grave.

"Only in the most stripped down sense. Maybe you should wait until college for him. Spend some more time with Holden Caulfield. Even after a few more reads, you'll find he has quite a bit more to say that you will pick up on." I lied. For her own sake.

Susan practically slammed her hand to her chest.

"Edward, you are so right. I see myself more and more every time I read it."

Poor girl. Well, hopefully she would move beyond hero worship in a few years.

"Susan, it was very nice meeting you and I can't thank you enough for all your help and insight." She waved me off.

"It was my pleasure. Please come back when you finish those and I can recommend some others."

I could tell there were some high hopes of a coffee date and more that were pinned on me coming back for "recommendations". I just offered her one last smile and made my way out after paying for the books. I didn't want to lie to the girl. She was pleasant, polite and gave me more information about Matthew Rogen.

I walked back to my car and sat inside for a few minutes. This injury that Susan told me about was certainly another layer to Matthew's personality and another piece of the puzzle although it didn't quite all fit together yet. I still had not quite figured out how Victoria fit into all of this as far as Matthew was concerned.

If she killed Matthew, then the road to Bella would be cleared. He would be collateral damage. My jealousy had caused the monster in me to rear his ugly head. Carlisle would drop me from the top of the Seattle Space Needle if he knew about this train of thought.

But what purpose did it serve to keep him alive other than to annoy me? Sure, I would suffer, but there was a chance that Bella and I would reconcile. Okay, at the moment, that idea was pretty far-fetched, but it was not beyond the realm of possibility. Was Victoria pinning all her hopes on a high school romance? That just seemed…not quite her style. It just didn't pack the same punch as killing Bella. Maybe she wanted Bella to fall deeply in love with Matthew and then kill him. Then perhaps she would blame me and the damage would be irreparable.

Yes, there was most definitely more than this than I had figured out at this point. The mere idea of Victoria anywhere near Bella drove me crazy. She was a lunatic, a psychopath, a deranged widow mourning her lover. It was a matter of waiting for the other shoe to drop and I couldn't exist with that type of suspense. I would have to double my efforts and revert back to my time as a cold blooded killer. I had a lot of rage and regret. Focused on just the right person, it could be fatal. And that person was most definitely going to be Victoria.

In no time at all, I was pulling into the driveway. Alice was sitting on the front steps flipping through a magazine. I got out of my car and walked over to her.

"Why good afternoon, my darling Edward."

"Good afternoon, Alice."

"Have fun on your fact finding mission?"

"Fun? Not exactly, but I made a new friend who was very informative about Mr. Rogen."

She nodded and continued browsing through her magazine. "Yes, I saw that. He's certainly not what he seems, but I'm not sure I fully understand the implications of all that just quite yet."

"Me either." Even though I had acquired more knowledge, I still felt somewhat defeated.

"On a separate note, don't you think Susan would look so much better with blonde highlights?"

"Sure, why not." I said with a complete absence of enthusiasm or interest.

"See? That's why you're so depressed all the time. You just can't find the positive things in unfortunate situations."

"Yes, Alice, you've hit the nail on the head. This situation would right itself if only Susan would embrace her inner Brigitte Bardot and race off to the hairdresser's. Somehow it would reveal Matthew's true motivations and force Victoria out into the open. Point goes to Miss Clairol. You've done it again, Columbo."

Alice continued to read her magazine, but held a hand up to motion in my direction.

"I don't like you right now."

"Yeah, well I don't like me either all that much right now." Alice quietly slipped her hand into mine and just held it. For all her distractions and preoccupations, she always seemed to know just what it was that I needed.

When Carlisle arrived home later, the whole family sat together in the living room to listen to what I had uncovered in Port Angeles. I recounted what Susan had told me about Matthew's medical issue that prevented him from playing football.

"So, day after day at school, everyone in the cafeteria is rapt listening to Matthew's story about his golden days as the star athlete in Port Angeles. Yet, he fails to mention what derailed the whole thing. Strange, yes?"

"Not necessarily strange. It's his senior year and football season is over. Why should he bother bringing it up? It's probably a painful memory." Answered Rosalie and Jasper agreed.

"Exactly. He's not technically lying. He's just telling them selectively about his time playing football. And who's to say that Bella doesn't already know?"

"And Bella is just the caring sort of person who wouldn't mention it if it made her boyfriend sad. She wouldn't betray a trust like that." Esme interjected.

Carlisle sat in silence turning over all the possibilities that could stem form this new information. "It's all very possible considering what we know of Bella, son."

"I suppose so, but even without all the sports hero worship, all the females just love him."

"In modern day vernacular, Matthew is what would be referred to as a real panty-dropper, Carlisle." Despite my heartbreak, Emmett found this all highly amusing. I just ignored him.

"But his established personality or pattern is that of some lothario who targets quote unquote easy girls. Bella is anything but!"

"A lothario you say? But that's so unlike a good-looking teenage boy with charm! What a corrupting force lies in wait for the girls of Forks!" Emmett gasped. "I seem to recall differently, Edward. The Bella I knew was all about jumping bones."

Esme came to my rescue. "Emmett, enough! You know very well that Bella is not that type!" Esme wouldn't stand to hear one of her children talked about like that. Even the human child who had gone missing from our group.

Alice held up a finger.

"Emmett does have a bit of a point. Yes, she wanted more out of your relationship. That's all true, but she's not the type to give it up to just anyone. She would want and need a connection and deeply felt commitment from the other person. This Matthew is just altogether too tawdry for her."

"And let's not forget, Edward," Jasper offered up. "She fundamentally changed you. She was your undoing. Who's to say that she couldn't be his as well? And maybe, just maybe, he was playing a part at his old school but really wanted to be with just one girl. You're looking for deadly flaws. Maybe she just likes the normalcy. She undid a vampire. Why is it hard to believe she couldn't do the same to some player?"

She could, but would she? Did they have an experience that bonded them? How exactly did he put her back together? I couldn't let my mind wander down that path.

"Jasper, I've been privy to the thoughts and desires of teenaged boys for the last hundred years. I assure you, they want nothing more than to plow through as many girls as possible. Monogamy is a necessary evil to them while they believe a buffet of nubile young women is their birthright."

"So what? Ultimately, he hasn't maligned her in any way. Honestly, you are letting your jealousy and regret cloud the real problem which is Victoria. Don't lose your focus. As far as we are concerned, he is an innocent. You can't project things onto him in the name of Bella's safety to give yourself an excuse to go after him unfairly."

Jasper was right. I was allowing my own feelings about Matthew get in the way. I was losing sight of the real threat and my goal to eliminate Victoria in order to keep Bella safe. Yet, I wasn't entirely wrong. I knew it.

"That may very well be true, but how did Matthew come to be drenched in Victoria's scent? One second, he's fine and the next, she has marked him?"

No one could look at me in the eye and give me an answer.

"See? I'm not wrong to follow up on that. It would be neglectful of me not to. For all I know, he too needs my protection and, for Bella's sake, I would give it to him. Now are you all going to help me or not?"

Jasper sighed as he did much through this discussion. "Well, I'm not doing anything as I'm supposedly away at college. I'll follow the runt around and see if I can pick up anything."

"Don't get too close and do something to cloak your scent in case Victoria is near." I suggested.

"No kidding. Do want to wipe the blood off my chin the next time we go hunting too?"

"Nah, you'll be fine just as long as you are wearing your play clothes. Maybe Alice can find you a bib." I couldn't help grinning.

"He'll still look hotter than you." Alice muttered under her breath.

"Can we please focus on the problem at hand?" Even if it was in jest, Esme had had enough of the family fighting over these past few months. Everyone quieted down.

"It's settled. Jasper will follow Matthew and check out his surroundings. Edward, until we know what's what, you will treat Matthew with respect and remember that he is dear to Bella."

I didn't want to further incur Esme's wrath, but I couldn't help but groan.

"Go ahead and groan, son. As much as we'd like to pretend what happen didn't, it did and we must all accept the consequences for the present time."

Right then, Alice stiffened and was focusing on the unseen.

"What?" Questioned Rosalie.

"Carlisle, Dr. Whitman is going to lose his first patient today and he'll come here tonight looking for comfort." Dr. Whitman was a young doctor that worked under Carlisle.

"Poor guy." Carlisle shook his head knowingly." Even after all these years, that pain is still so raw."

"Oh!" Esme sat up. "I have nothing to offer him. Edward, would you mind running to the store and pick up a few things for me?"

"Sure, why not." I responded with the same verve as I would at the prospect of eating a steaming pile of barbeque and then vomiting it up later.

I took my time roaming the aisles of the Thriftway picking up coffee, tea, milk and sugar. I browsed the bakery counter and picked the remnants of the day's offerings of hours –old coffee cake.

Soon enough, I was back on the road heading home when I noticed a blue SUV on the side of the road with a flat tire. It was Mathew's SUV. The proverbial angel and devil appeared on my shoulder. What to do? What to do? The angel who coincidentally looked a lot like Bella eventually won out as I knew she would. I slowed down and pulled off to the side of the road. Matthew was unsuccessfully trying to raise the car with the jack. I noticed that every time he tried to pump the jack, his hand would shake.

I exited the car and walked over to him trying not to allow too much swagger to come through. Here I was…a blood warrior. A mere walk down the street was like a visit to the grocery store. Me in a crowded elevator like a kid in a candy store. An anomaly of strength, hunger and immortality that all add up to being the most deadly force to be reckoned with on Earth.

But in light of recent events, I had been reduced to lording my ability to operate a jack over an innocent human all in the name of saving face. Ah…love you make fools out of us all.

Matthew stood up and turned around intent on giving me his most intimidating glare, but he lost his footing on loose gravel causing him to fall on his ass. Wow, this competition was really robbing of my manners.

I held out my hand to help him up. He looked at me, looked at my offer of aid and reluctantly accepted my assistance.

"Thanks." Matthew begrudgingly acknowledged as he rose.

"You're welcome. Now, let's see if we can't get that truck off the ground." I walked over to the jack and after a few maneuvers, I was able to raise the truck.

Once raised, he quickly unscrewed the lug nuts and together we removed the flat tire. We put on the spare and he tightened everything up. I picked up the flat and put it into the back of the truck. While I was there, I took the opportunity to try and detect any more of Victoria's scent. However, there was nothing. Nothing but the scent of fast food wrappers and Bella. Of course.

I should be comforted by the fact that there was no sign of Victoria, but I was reminded once more that Bella belonged to another and she was enchanting someone else with her scent which was the closest thing to home for me.

After shutting the door, I walked back to the front of the SUV. Matthew stood up and held his hand out.

"Thanks…Edward. That was cool of you to help me considering."

"Don't mention it."

"Okay."

Something in his demeanor struck me. He didn't look as confident as he normally did. He looked _young_. I realized that Matthew Rogen was just a child. He truly was an innocent. Sure, he was like every other teenager who could barely be tolerated, but he had truly done nothing wrong. Perhaps I truly was projecting my hatred of myself and my actions onto him. It was unfair to Matthew and by extension Bella.

"No, really, don't mention it. I don't want Bella to feel as though I'm trying to insert myself into her life. She doesn't need the added aggravation."

He nodded. "Okay, I won't."

There. That would be my gift to Bella. Her sanity. She deserved to be happy. Maybe one day, she would let me back into her life again. But today wasn't that day.

I walked back to my car and was just about to start the engine when my cell phone rang. "Jasper" appeared on the screen.

"Hey Jasper, what's going on?"

"Just wanted to let you know that I took a quick run over to Rogen's house. I didn't pick up anything remotely similar to Victoria's scent. It doesn't seem like she's been there, but I'll be on the lookout."

"Okay, thanks." I pressed the end button and put my phone on the dashboard. I took a deep breath and watched as Matthew drove away.

This was the right decision. What Jasper told me only enforced that.

How I hated to be right.

_**Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Constructive criticism is appreciated.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**_

CHAPTER 6

The bastard. Oh he just loved the power trip, didn't he? We were his own little ant farm and he got off playing God. The day to day wasn't enough for him though. He had to screw me over. He had to twist the knife. What a sick, sick bastard.

I watched him from afar. Plotting out his schemes. Communication he argued. Pride. Spirit. Hope. I was just tempted to end this right here and right now in broad, cloudy daylight. Muscles have memory, don't they? It would be so easy to awaken the killer in them.

He was so dumb. So unsuspecting. So mortal. Not aware of the dangers that lurked in his "inconsequential" decisions. Whistling without a care in the world. Like it wasn't about to all coming crashing down in a flash.

Maybe he never thought about the day he would die, but it consumed my every thought. He had worked so hard to be respectable, to be a leader, to be someone that people admired and wanted to emulate. He had cultivated a persona. Not to be content with whatever gifts nature had bestowed upon him.

He was a legend in his own mind. However, in my mind, Principal Green was a dead man.

A dance. A dance had been planned. Attendance was mandatory.

To him, we were a pathetic bunch. An embarrassment. When other schools came to play our sports teams, their side of the bleachers were packed. People took it upon themselves to follow their teams afield to show their support.

Our side of the bleachers was empty. They weren't uninhabited because there would be several stoners underneath buying, selling and indulging. But appearances were everything and Principal Green wasn't enough of a man not to care what other people thought. He wanted to impress. He wanted pageantry and drama. Forks was supposed to be a downhome town with local heroes. There was no star quarterback, no beautiful homecoming queen. There was nary a teenage pregnancy. Oh how we disappointed him.

Well, come hell or highwater, he was going to bring us all together. We would be happy, damn it. Let's put on a show, kids! And all that jazz.

"Not again, Edward! Can I have one afternoon off from your plotting murderous thoughts?" Complained Alice. "I mean, really. If it's not Matthew Rogen, it's Mike Newton or Mr. Banner or the janitor who looked at Bella or the guy who gave her directions to the Target in Port Angeles. Now it's Principal Green?" She sighed and rubbed her temples. "There I was thinking that life began after 100 and it would all be gravy! You are ruining my golden years, Edward!"

We were walking back to my car after the last bell had rung for the day.

"Well, it's not as if the man doesn't deserve it. Mandatory dance. Pfft!"

"What are you so pissy about? You already have a suit. Lord knows a dance will cut into your plans of sulking around the house and lamenting your existence. Sure, your schedule is set in stone, but surely this one night won't derail it."

Finally, we reached the car and got in, both slamming the doors for different reasons.

"You're so funny, Alice. So original. And for a psychic, so short-sighted." I jammed the key in the ignition and started the engine.

"Oh please, I know what this is about. You're afraid to be trapped in a bedazzled high school gym with Forks' own William and Kate. Oh woe is you!"

We both looked ahead and watched as Bella and Matthew stood by his truck talking to their loyal subjects. I often found myself wondering how Bella was weathering the attention of being one half of such a high profile couple. Matthew commanded the crowd and Bella looked on with a glow of admiration. I'd had enough and threw the car in reverse, hightailing it out of the parking lot.

"Well, if you haven't figured it out yet…" I roughly exhaled as I kept my gaze on the road. "I will be there all alone and she will be there with him. It will be…pathetic."

"Come on, Edward. You know you have options. Any girl in that school would gladly break up with her boyfriend for a night with you. It grosses me out to say this since you're my brother and all, but I hear you're quite a catch. And a doctor's son no less!" She couldn't help but laugh at herself.

"No, she would know."

"She would know what?"

"She would know that I was there with just some random person."

"Oh…so you want to make Bella a little jealous, eh? For someone so no nonsense in every other aspect of his life, I never expected you to be one to play games. But, good plan. I like it. This is so much better than you being morose and hanging out by the proverbial punch bowl all night."

"I just want her to maybe think I'm not so bad really. Even for just one night. For one fleeting moment."

Alice tousled my hair.

"I know, kitten." I raised my eyebrows. "That's right: kitten."

I just shook my head.

"How about that girl at the bookstore? I know she's a bit Plain Jane and all, but I could do wonders with her. And the best part is that Bella doesn't know her so that would add to the intrigue."

"I don't think so. She's a sweet girl and I would hate to use her like that." Alice closed her eyes for a minute and a sly grin appeared.

"And I believe the technical term is 'Stage Five Clinger'. Yeah, that would not end well and you'd be on the receiving end of some truly awful poetry. Holden Caulfield rides again!"

"You see my point then."

"Absolutely. You already know what you have to do anyway." I groaned.

"I know." I reluctantly agreed. "There's no way to avoid opening that can of worms is there?"

" 'Fraid not. But you really need to be upfront with her and lay out the reality of the situation. Even then, I'm not sure she can prevent her emotions from taking over. Although, in her defense, it's not like she can help it. That's her nature. She's just naturally amorous."

"Amorous" was the most diplomatic way of describing Tanya's spirited nature. A succubus by rebirth. I wondered if that was just an enhancement of her human disposition. She was a thousand years old. I'm not sure what the equivalent of the tarty cheerleader would have been back then during the dark ages of Russia. If that were in fact the case, how lucky for Tanya that she could now exist in such a liberated time and celebrate her unique…gifts.

We were cousins, Tanya and I. If she had her way, we would be kissing cousins. Tanya always got her way except with me. In the span of her thousand years, I had been the only male to ever say no to her less than subtle advances.

It's not that she wasn't lovely. She was stunning. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. Striking. She couldn't walk down the streets of New York City without being approached by a modeling scout. But…there was not much in the way of a deep and meaningful connection between us. I admired her intelligence, her wit, her good natured resignation to our damning and ultimately her good heart. However, she was not the one. Even before Bella ever existed, I knew this. I may not have been aware then of some sort of absence that my heart felt. Even when there was no understanding of what every cell of my being was calling out for, I knew it wasn't her.

And I had told her this over and over again when I tried to politely decline her advances and affections that could only be described as…well…not familial. I had made it abundantly clear to her that I was just not interested in her in _that_ way. Instead, I raved about the benefits of platonic relationships. Oh how uncomplicated they were! Oh how easy they can be! Unfettered by the awkwardness of a forced relationship, we could be companions in education. We were both fascinated by the endless mysteries of the world that could not even be solved in a millennia. There were endless fields of study. Wouldn't that be fun and satisfying? I'm absolutely sure she had seen it that way too.

Ugh.

So now I would have to ask Tanya if she would do me a favor and be my date for a mandatory school dance. That didn't have any romantic overtones at all. Nope, not a one.

Time and time again, I had refused her advances, breaking her heart a little bit more every time. Jasper had confided that Tanya was in fact deeply in love with me. She would do anything for me. Even go away if she was not what I wanted. And she did. How could I contemplate asking her to do this?

But I was left without another option. Irina and I were like oil and water. Apparently, she still hated me because of Laurent's demise. I wasn't flashy enough for her anyway. Kate was the more outdoorsy type and wasn't all that interested in putting on a show more than she was already required. That left only Tanya.

I knew she would do it. All I had to do was ask. But was it wise? Perhaps she would think that I was subconsciously trying to get close to her and was using Bella as an excuse. The more realistic scenario would be that I would hurt her and insult her by using her to try and make Bella jealous. Succubus nature aside, Tanya really was a kind person and she deserved better treatment than that. But I was desperate. Perhaps she would take pity on my desperation.

I already felt like a failure and a loser. I couldn't show up alone to the dance. I couldn't ask any of the other girls either. I wanted Bella to think of me. I wanted her attention. Honestly, I wanted her to be jealous. Bella knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't be interested in the local girls. It had to be someone she didn't know. Someone who was beautiful, enchanting and had an air of mystery about her. Tanya fit the bill.

And on the off chance that Bella inquired about Tanya's identity and what she meant to me, I could honestly say she was just a friend.

Oh, this was juvenile, but short of jumping up and down yelling, "Pick me! Pick me!", I wasn't sure what else I could do. Apologizing over and over again didn't seem to do anything. Perhaps this different tack would awaken something inside of her. Our brief moment in the broom closet showed me that she still cared. Slightly. Maybe this was the dumbest, most idiotic move ever, but it gave me a sense of control over an otherwise hopeless situation. It was much better than recounting my shortcomings to the cracks in the wall of a Brazilian crawlspace. They never answered back or told me not to be so hard on myself. They seemed to be in silent agreement that I was a monumental failure.

So upon arrival at home and with Alice's encouragement, I went upstairs to my room and rehearsed what I would say to Tanya.

_Tanya, a thousand years old and you still have not been to your first high school dance? _

_Here's another entry for your book How to Fill A Thousand Years on a Budget._

_I know you've spent fifty years lusting after me, but how would you like to help me make the girl I love jealous?_

Hmmmm…maybe not. The dance was soon and she might need some convincing. There was no time to dawdle. I fished my cell phone out of my pants pocket and sat down on my bed. I took a deep breath before scrolling through my contact list. I highlighted her name and pressed send. It rang once.

"Hi Edward." I had called their house phone because they didn't get the best cell reception in Denali. Luckily, it was Tanya who picked up.

"Tanya? Hi. How did you know it was me?"

"Alice told me you would be calling."

"Oh she did, did she?" I said through gritted teeth and Tanya just laughed.

"No, silly, we have caller ID!"

Oh, duh.

Alice let out a throaty laugh from downstairs.

"Right, right."

"So…what's new? Or are you calling to let me know you're coming for a visit?"

"Well, funny that you mention coming for a visit."

"Really?" She responded coolly. "You are coming then?" It sounded like she was holding her breath.

"I was wondering if you would be interested in coming to visit us. As a favor to me actually."

"How is me visiting doing a favor for you exactly?"

"A lot has happened in the last few months-"

"Yeah, I heard." She quickly interrupted. I could immediately feel the sting in her voice. Then I lost my nerve. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath.

"Look, Tanya, I'm really sorry. This was a bad idea and I'm being selfish. Yeah, I know, big shocker there."

"You need help with Bella then."

"Yes, that's what it essentially boils down to."

"You are hoping to make her jealous?" Was that amusement I detected in her voice?

"Well, that wasn't my original goal, but if that's a side effect, then who am I to object?"

"What exactly would you need me to do?"

"There's this dance at school and normally I skip those sorts of things, but the bastard principal decided to make it mandatory."

"Who makes a dance mandatory?"

"Exactly! Ridiculous right? Well, anyway, I'd rather not go with a human and that leaves my sisters and my mother."

"So you're saying you want me to be your date?"

"Yes. Please."

"Why can't you just ask Bella to go?"

"She has a new boyfriend."

"And you would feel pathetic showing up by yourself?"

"Yes." Sometimes I wish I could wrestle the truth to the ground and beat the living daylights out of it. "I would be forever grateful if you took pity on me and accompanied me to the dance. Of course, everyone always welcomes a visit from you. Myself included. It would be one evening out of an extended visit with the family. I know the shopping isn't the best in Alaska so I'm sure Alice and Rosalie would want to take a trip to Seattle or even down to San Francisco. I mean, Seattle has so much to offer. Museums, shows, nightlife-"

"Edward, let me stop you right there." She couldn't help chuckling at my attempts to convince her. "You do realize I've been to Seattle many, many times?"

"Yes, of course, How silly of me,"

"I think I understand that you are trying to convince me that this is a purely platonic visit." I closed my eyes and rubbed my hand over my face.

"Tanya, I hope I didn't insult you. That was not my aim at all."

"Wow."

"I did offend you, didn't I? I'm so, so very sorry, Tanya."

"That's not it at all. I was just thinking to myself that it was impossible for you be even more tightly wound than you already were. I was obviously wrong."

I was always such an easy target for everyone. They were all so amused by my fumbling. I so badly wanted to scream at them all that this was my life and I didn't exist purely for their amusement. But I couldn't because I needed them now more than ever. Instead of answering Tanya, I just bit my tongue and stayed silent.

"Look, Edward, I'm sorry. That was unkind of me to say that."

"No worries." Could she hear the undercurrent of anger that pulsed through my voice?

"I'll be there for you. Don't worry." I guess my desperation couldn't be masked.

"Thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your generosity."

"There's no question in my mind that you would do the same for me. So…when should I plan on heading down there?"

I gave Tanya all the specifics and I could hear Alice and Rosalie planning for Tanya's visit. Shopping was the highest priority, but there were some bands that the girls decided that Tanya simply must see so their nights were already filling up.

As I hung up with Tanya, I felt a bit lighter. But why? Was this really a move to be proud of? I think I had thrown my pride out the window the first time I had heard the name Matthew Rogen.

With the dance looming, the school was atwitter with both excitement and frustration. Nothing much ever happened in Forks so this was definitely an event. An event both feared and excitedly anticipated depending on who you spoke to. But I had secured myself a date so that was one less thing to worry about in a bigger picture fraught with the possibility of spending eternity alone. She was it for me. I would do what I had to in order to win her back.

However, at the moment, I was currently fending off the female population of Forks High. Now that they knew I did in fact date, the girls were much more aggressive in their pursuit. And none more than Lauren Mallory.

Like prey, Lauren had tracked me down in the library. I was finishing up an essay for my Brit Lit class when I saw an image of myself sitting in a study carrel. I knew I should have put my ipod on.

"Hey, Edward." I bristled at the sound of my name falling off her tongue.

"Hi, Lauren." She leaned against the study carrel and combed her fingers through her long blonde hair. She was slightly taller than Bella and had a willowy build with clothing that attempted to exaggerate her femininity. Her face was not unattractive, but she was one of the ugliest people I knew. And I had met the Volturi. If pretty is as pretty does, then obviously, the two had never met.

"So I was wondering when you were going to stop playing games and ask me to the dance already."

Oh this was going to be good.

"Games? I wasn't aware that I was playing games of any sort."

"Well, c'mon, Edward…we both know that the whole time you were going out with Bella, you were constantly flirting with me. I mean, we all wondered if you were just using her to get close to me."

"Well, how reassuring to know that you have wondered about anything. I had been worried that the good Lord had passed over you when endowing the population with intellectual curiosity."

As her genetic legacy dictated, Lauren stared at me as a dumbfounded deer in headlights.

"What?"

"The notion that anyone would ever 'use' Bella to get to you is laughable. Ludicrous, in fact. She is and always will be your superior in every way imaginable. You will never rival her in any capacity. She has beauty, innate kindness, an unparalleled ability to love and a mind cultivated by a hunger for knowledge and understanding. Meanwhile, your mind is consumed with how to keep your hideous, embellished Uggs clean in the rain. Your heart soars and plummets based on how effectively you can crush the spirits of an already downtrodden girl in gym class. And as for your inflated opinion about your looks, well, I'd say you're in for a rude awakening when the only modeling work you might be offered is to do some 'tasteful nudes' in the back of a van with blacked out windows."

She huffed and puffed, but if she dared to show up at my house, I was most certainly going to blow the doors off and hope they hit her on the way down.

"Oh, you think you're so hot!" Way to come back there, Lauren.

"Oh Lauren, I don't just think that. It's a proven fact."

"Yeah, well, if you're so hot, how come Bella wants nothing to do with you?"

And with that, Lauren Mallory turned with blonde hair flying and cut a swath through the periodicals section.

I could only stand there. After all, she wasn't wrong. Whispers and awkward stares abounded.

"What?" I hissed to eyes that grew wider. They scurried off leaving me alone to pack up my things as the bell rang. I stormed off to chemistry. Bella and Matthew were huddled together and whispering. She looked up at me as I walked past.

"Bella?" He called. She was still looking forward after I had passed by.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" She asked as she turned back to him.

"I was just asking if you had picked out your dress or if you were going shopping with Jess this weekend.

"Oh. Um, I'm not sure."

So she was slightly aware of me. That was something.

I sat down next to Angela and nodded hello. She was sweet, but there were still awkward silences as we waited for class to start.

"So Edward…"

"Yes?"

"Are you excited for the dance?"

"I don't know. Not really I guess. You?"

"Yes, actually. There aren't many opportunities to…well…to do much of anything in Forks so this will be a nice change. Besides, I never get a chance to see Ben dressed up."

"True. It will be an experience to see some of these people in something other than jeans and concert t-shirts."

"Are you and Alice going together?" Her face fell when she realized what that sounded like. "I didn't mean together together. I meant-"

I raised my hand and laughed.

"Angela, don't worry. I know what you meant. Actually, Alice is taking Jasper. He's coming home for the weekend."

"What about you?"

"I'm bringing someone."

"Oh?" Angela was unusually curious today. Normally, she let people live their lives, but I think her concern for me was genuine.

"Yes, she's a good friend of mine from out of town."

"From Port Angeles?"

"No, a little further away. Alaska actually."

"And she's coming all the way down here for a dance?"

"No. Her school is on spring break so she was coming down anyway to visit this balmy, tropical paradise. Well, to her anyway!"

"What's her name?"

"Tanya. Her name is Tanya."

Mr. Banner entered the room then with a large cup from Starbucks and an even larger migraine. He planned to take his frustration out on all of us.

"Well, be sure to introduce me to Tanya. I'd love to meet her."

"You will. You definitely will."

Part of the reason Tanya and Rosalie got along so well was because they were both stunning women who liked to show off. However, where Rosalie was the reigning champion of resting bitchface, Tanya was a social butterfly. She loved to talk to anyone especially when she was acting a part. Give her a backstory and she took off running. She loved to embellish and add emotional touches. We would have to create a believable one and would have to promise to stick to it.

Left to her own devices, she would probably tell everyone we got married in Vegas and honeymooned in Paris as guests of President Sarkozy. Wayne Newton probably walked her down the aisle.

"So what was that all about with Angela?" Alice threw her backpack into the back seat and got into the passenger seat.

"I don't know actually." I started the car and turned around before backing out, quickly sliding the car out of the parking space and through the lot. "Her thoughts didn't give anything away that would suggest sinister intentions."

"Pfft. Angela has never heard the word sinister, let alone understood its meaning. I just think it's the curiosity generally related to the Cullens. You, in particular. You wanted nothing to do with dating. Then you have this grand affair with Bella, break up and then find someone new. It's the stuff soap operas are made of. And even with drama, it comes down to location, location, location. You're headline news in Forks."

"So much for keeping a low profile. I really should have handled this better."

"Ha! That's the understatement of the year!"

"So are you coming with me to SeaTac to pick up Tanya?"

"Nah, I'm still making a few adjustments to my dress. And besides, you need to make sure you and Tanya understand each other. Huh, would you look at that? Another growth experience for you."

I dropped Alice off at home and headed out to Seattle to pick up Tanya from the airport. The dance would soon be upon us. Her flight was landing in three hours and I would hit traffic.

My mind shifted forward to the dance? What would Bella's reaction be? Would she care? Would she acknowledge me? I had left her alone. We were like two ships passing in the night with a practiced avoidance of one another.

I missed her so much. I hated myself more and more everyday as it seemed that we grew further and further apart. This couldn't be it, but I couldn't think of any cards to play aside from the jealousy card. If her relationship with Matthew was growing stronger by the day as it appeared, would she even notice? It was evident that she leaned on Matthew more and more everyday.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was waiting outside the arrivals terminal. I had arrived early so I settled down with a newspaper. There was mention of another mysterious disappearance. Could Victoria be behind this or was it someone else? It had all the hallmarks of a vampire abduction. I texted Carlisle about it so we could track a pattern if there was one to be found.

I really would have given it more thought, but I was bombarded by the image of one strawberry blonde vegetarian vampire strutting through the terminal and mesmerizing the male quotient. Yes, Tanya di Denali had arrived and she was loving it.

"Edward!" She latched onto me with both arms and held on past the rules of polite friendship. I sighed. My pleas for a mutual agreement about how this was supposed to play out had obviously fallen on deaf ears. This was further evidenced by the way she covered my face in kisses much to the envy of every man of the moving walkway.

"Okay, okay! I'm glad to see you too!" I gently, but firmly extricated myself from her embrace.

"Alright, let's go to the baggage claim. Get a cart!" She set off through the terminal and I quickly caught up.

"Now I know that Alice wants to go to Seattle to go shopping for a dress for the dance, but I brought options. I mean, how many chances do you think I have to get dressed up in Alaska? None! So you know we always hit the fashion shows and I can't help picking out a few dresses. I never get a chance to wear them so it's like I've got a stockpile of couture. It's not like I can go hunting in a Balenciaga dress. Don't get me wrong. I could, but why? Ya know? It's only a high school dance, but we're sooooooo isolated up there. And it's not like you ever come to visit! Ya know, that's all going to change. Kate and I talked about it, but now I'm going to insist on a celebration once a year where we can all get dressed up. We'll invite all the covens. Well, only the ones we like. I'm putting it out to the universe now so Alice will see it and start planning. So anyway, I brought a lot of options. I figure we shouldn't waste this opportunity on one night. We should be seen around town. Otherwise, what's the point? Edward, are you even listening to me?"

Kind of. Sort of. I had tuned her out a bit, but I liked where she was going with this being seen around town bit.

We sidled up to the baggage carousel and she started pulling off bags.

"Look alive, Edward! I need a cart!"

It was like this the rest of the way home. I didn't have to worry about keeping her entertained on the way home because Alice called as soon as we got into the car.

"It's genius! I love it!" Alice tested the limits of vampire hearing with her high pitched euphoria. Alice never met a party she didn't like.

"And we can send out super secret invites and we can have code words! I've always wanted to do that. I mean, we don't need them. We know who our kind are, but I love the exclusivity of it!"

"Yes, I agree! We definitely need code words! I'm telling you, no matter what, you can always count on crashers!" Tanya was so in sync with Alice. Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if these two had been human. Could I stand them?

"Oh you guys," Tanya was talking to both of us now. "Did I tell you that Eleazar may be helping another coven go vegetarian? I say coven, but there's only three of them, but how exciting is that?"

Alice was taken aback and in a dead calm voice she declared, "Things. Just. Got. Interesting."

Tanya continued to fill us in on the new coven and before I knew it, we were passing by Port Angeles. The light indicating that I was low on gas came on so I found the nearest gas station and pulled in.

"Oooh gift shop!" The love of shopping seemed to transcend all species. Can't we all just get along?

"Tanya, I guarantee there is nothing in that convenience store that you want."

"So what. I just like to look." And with that, she swiftly exited the car and hurried inside.

I got out of my car, swiped my credit card and got down to the business of filling the gas tank. While I waited, I watched the boy behind the counter watch Tanya.

Then I heard it.

The mental voice that had become so painfully familiar to me. Matthew Rogen was pulling into the gas station. Of course, Bella was seated next to him. Where else would she be?

She looked away from me as Matthew pulled up to the pump and turned the car off. Matthew got out of his truck with a quick look at me and then went about his business.

"Edward! Edward! You said I wouldn't find anything, but I found a Port Angeles magnet to go with the Forks magnet I got the last time I visited you!" Cried Tanya as she expertly navigated the terrain in six inch heels. All eyes were on her including Bella's.

I tried to imagine what this would look like to the outside observer. It would look like two friends with a platonic interest in fuel at the very least. Of course, at most, it could hint at something deeper. Bella knew I didn't have many friends outside of my family and she had the bare minimum of knowledge of our interaction with other covens. I had never mentioned female friends. Perhaps her interest was piqued. Here's hoping anyway. I thought it best to quickly depart. Always leave them wanting more.

Tanya got in the car as I finished up and then made a quick getaway.

"Okay, Edward, why did your face just turn white? I mean, whiter than usual."

I couldn't quite articulate it just yet. Bella had just seen me with another female who I was not related to. Surely, she would be able to recognize that Tanya wasn't human with her intimate knowledge of the physical differences between vampire and human. And the difference between carnivores and vegetarians. I wondered if things would be different at school tomorrow.

"Um…" I stared straight ahead. "That was Bella in the truck with that guy."

"Who? The farmboy jock?"

"Yes."

"Well. Interesting." Tanya stared ahead. This had been her first glimpse of the girl who had been able to capture my heart. "She's pretty."

"I think so."

"Damn, it's too bad I didn't know it was her. I totally could have put on my Russian accent and played that up. I never get to do that anymore."

_**Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I really appreciate it.**_

_**May I ask a favor? Please keep the people of Japan in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks**_.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own the bad reviews.**_

CHAPTER SEVEN

In the beginning…Eric Yorkie was one of the first faces that greeted me upon my arrival at Forks High. He was eager and excitable like a cocker spaniel which was fitting because he seemed like nothing more than a lap dog to Mike Newton. Mike was the sun king and Eric attempted to bask in his residual glory. He was slowly gaining ground as Mike's second in command until Tyler moved in on his territory.

Eric had been marginalized. He was stricken with acne, applied too much gel to his already greasy hair, over participated in trends and trailed behind the popular crowd with dwindling dignity.

Dignity may be a stretch.

During that magical summer that Bella and I had first spent together, I had concentrated my expansive vampire mind on her. Those first feelings of falling were all consuming and I couldn't get enough. Then September snuck up on us and brought with it the darkest time of my life. I did my best to leave Forks and everything connected to it behind. That included Eric Yorkie.

Upon my return, I took stock of everything around me since I now had so much time on my hands. Including Eric.

It was quiet and it was subtle, but it seemed that the young Mr. Yorkie had finally grown up. He was now living an examined life.

He was no longer following anyone else around. He was blazing his own trail. Quietly. It was more like kindling. Forks didn't allow for too much blazing. That had stayed the same. Eric was no longer spastic. He seemed to harbor within him a quiet assuredness.

Gone was anything complicated or forced. He had simplified. He had let go of trends and stuck to jeans and basic white t-shirts. His hair had been washed and the gel jettisoned. His skin had cleared up for the most part. I even saw a replay of a yoga DVD in his mind. He had become quite adept at most of the poses. In fact, he gleamed with health and tranquility. He had not given up his comic books, but instead had started to read up on things that caused him to question the status quo around him.

He had become vital.

And that vitality was looking for direction, for purpose…for action.

A secondhand car handed down from his older sister had allowed him to break through being bounded by the limitations of Forks. Oh yes, Eric could come and go as he pleased. It turned out that what pleased him was to go to Port Angeles. The journey of a thousand miles and all that. The truth was that he had been dependent all this time on people like Mike and Jessica for rides. However, since the annual purging of the in-crowd, Eric was on his own having been deemed too strange. The thoughts of mystical, magical keg parties no longer caused his eyes to alight. Therefore like an old horse sent to the glue factory, Eric Yorkie had been put out to pasture. After all, Lauren Mallory had branded him a loser so the rest of Forks High School had followed suit.

It wasn't that I thought about Eric Yorkie a lot. I had just been able to identify with his plight lately. He was a lone wolf and this mandatory dance wasn't doing him any favors either. Luckily for me, I had remedied my situation and now had a date. Poor Eric would be showing up alone. He turned this fact over and over again in his mind as he stood on the pier looking out at boats on the water of Port Angeles.

That's where Alice, Tanya and I found him as we strolled along the docks ourselves meeting up after school. It was difficult not to feel sorry for the boy who didn't seem to fit in anymore. While he understood that this was better in the long run, it still hurt and it hurt right now as excitement about the dance reached a crescendo.

I broke away from our group and headed over to him.

"Eric!"

Alice raised her eyebrows at me and as my plan started to form in her mind, a sly smile slowly appeared on her face. Eric himself was a bit taken aback by the warm greeting from such a noted cold heart.

"Hey…Edward," If he wasn't dumbstruck by my salutation alone, he was awestruck by Tanya's presence.

"Hi Eric," Tanya chirped. She extended her hand gracefully. Eric looked down at it in amazement. The movement was normal by vampire standards, but if humans were holding up scorecards, it could be judged as downright sexy.

"H-H-Hello?" I could see in Tanya's mind that Eric's hand was clammy and he wasn't quite letting go. Alice had to step in.

"Eric, this is our friend, Tanya. She's visiting us for a bit from Alaska."

"Oh," He couldn't help the goofy smile on his face and the way his voice cracked. "Um, welcome?" _Namaste, Eric, namaste_.

"So, will you be at the dance too?" Eric's face fell at Tanya's question.

"Oh, the dance. Yeah, I'll be there. It's mandatory."

"That's right. Edward mentioned that."

"So," Alice grinned like a Cheshire cat and asked in a sing song manner, "Who are you taking?"

"I, um, don't have a date."

"Eric, you don't have much time left," Alice chastised and clucked her tongue. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt and planted his gaze firmly on the ground.

"Yeah, well, getting a date is easier said than done. I've been designated the class leper."

"There can only be one class leper and that's me," I assured him. Eric's face shot up and disbelief spilled over his features.

"Yeah right, Edward. Girls are falling all over themselves to get near you."

"If by 'girls' you mean Lauren-Our Lady of the Perpetual Rash-Mallory, then yes. Otherwise, no one dares speak to me or acknowledges my presence. They stay well away from me when I've never done anything to deserve their disdain." _Nothing, Edward? Really?_

Eric just scoffed.

"Dude, excuse me if I don't feel sorry for you. No matter how much of an unfortunate soul your portray yourself as, even you have a date for the dance."

"Pfft," said Alice as she rolled her eyes, "Please, he's practically taking his cousin!"

"Yeah, I have a cousin, but I won't be taking her to the dance though."

"See then, you're one up on Edward!"

"I might if she looked like that though," Eric considered as he looked at Tanya.

"Some nice friends you have here," Tanya whispered.

I needed to take back control.

"Eric, we were just heading to the bookstore. Would you like to join us?"

"Sure."

So the four of us set off walking to the center of the Port Angeles shopping district. Alice moved at a rhythm that was all her own. Eric lagged slightly behind and to the side. Tanya slinked by my side and locked our arms together. I didn't push her arm off. I couldn't be rude. I could…but I didn't want to. Not because I was falling for Tanya. Not at all.

I'm a selfish person. I've known this for close to a century. It became more evident when Bella came into my life. So why should it stop now? I was hoping perhaps that this little outing might spark word getting back to Bella about my mysterious "friend". It was Tanya's idea and it seemed to be working.

_Who the hell is that?_

_Wait, who's she with? Cullen. Figures._

_Damn, if Bella was trying to outdo Edward in the I'll find someone hotter game, she lost._

Crumbs. Everywhere, everywhere crumbs.

"Ya know what's funny, Edward?" Eric had rushed forward to open the door to the bookstore for Tanya.

"What?"

"I always pictured you as a Kindle kind of guy. I'm kind of surprised. Not one for dusty, old bookstores."

"I'm not!" interjected Alice. "He's got the iPod playlist of an eighty year old."

"Alice!" I hissed.

"Oh please, if anything I was kind and made you seem younger," She dismissed me with the wave of her hand and entered the store.

As I had hoped, my new friend, Susan, was sitting behind the cash register. Her eyes grew wide and up went her brows when she saw me. She waved and then proceeded to smooth down her hair.

"Hi Susan," I called out and waved.

Alice, Tanya and I walked towards the register with Eric trailing behind.

"Edward," Susan was breathless and bright-eyed. "So good to see you." Her eyes darted to the girls.

_I knew it was too good to be true._ If Susan only knew.

"Susan, I'd like to introduce you to my sister, Alice, and my friend, Tanya." Susan's confidence plummeted when she got a closer look at them. Alice leapt forward with her hand out.

"I'm Alice! I've been dying to meet you. Just a feeling, but I think we'd get along really well."

"Oh?"

"Like I said, it's the strangest feeling-"

"Alice was looking for a book, weren't you, Alice?" I interrupted.

"I can definitely help you with that," Susan offered.

"Great. I need a copy a copy of the Kama Sutra. Edward borrowed mine and it came back with the pages sticking together OWWWW!"

It takes a vampire to hurt a vampire. Or in this case, to shut them up. Tanya grabbed Alice's arm.

"Come on, Alice. I think I saw a book about uncontrolled impulses in the self help section on the way in."

I was left with Eric and Susan.

"And, of course, this is my classmate, Eric. Eric, this is Susan. She goes to Port Angeles High."

"Hey," Eric nodded.

"Hi," Susan looked down with a nervous smile. And pushed some strands of hair behind her ears.

This was going to be like pulling teeth. Granted I had little experience with affairs of the heart. After all, I was single for 107 years. Yet, I recognized when I would have to give others a push.

"So you work here, huh?" he inquired.

"Yeah, just part time," she nodded.

Silence filled the air. I'd have to be a nudge.

"So you go to Port Angeles High?" Well, look at that. Mr. Yorkie took the bull by the horns. Sort of.

"Yeah, I'm a senior."

"Me too, but I go to Forks."

"Like Edward?"

"Yeah. Mmhm."

Alice was screaming in her head for these two to get together because she needed a new project with which to amuse herself. Tanya was just screaming. She had done the dance of seduction for a millennium, but right now, seduction was stepping on her toes every other move. It reminded me of Bella.

They came back with some books that they piled by the register.

"So," Tanya clapped her hands together. "Susan, Forks High is having a big spring dance. Does your school have one?"

"No, but we do have a Valentine's Day dance."

"That's so sweet and romantic! Was it fun?" Susan's face fell.

"Oh. I didn't actually go," Her voice trailed off.

"That's such a shame," Tanya tilted her head to show her sympathy, but that didn't last long. "Here's an idea! You should come to the Forks dance."

"Yes!" Alice immediately agreed. "Please, please! We'll have so much fun! I can do your hair and makeup and—"

Susan held her hand up.

"That does sound like fun," And it really did. Susan never got asked to dances. Ever. She was a senior and so badly wanted to have one memorable high school experience before she graduated. "A-I don't go to your school and B, no one from your school has asked me."

Eric was turning an idea over and over in his mind. It was a gamble, but he was ready to be a gambling man.

"Um…you could go with me," he quietly offered.

Susan was stunned and made no attempts to hide her astonishment and growing excitement.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?" he shrugged. Let's not sweep her off her feet just yet, Eric.

Alice jumped up and hugged Eric. "Best. Idea. Ever." She turned to Susan and mouthed _say yes_.

"I'd love to. Thanks!"

The second Susan accepted, Alice had her cell phone out.

"Susan, I'll need your phone number. We have lots of work to do. Don't worry. I'll make sure Eric gets it too."

While the girls planned, I patted Eric on the shoulder.

"Well done, Mr. Yorkie."

"Thanks." Before I pulled away, he grabbed my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "Edward, I've never been on a date before." A light sheen was forming on his brow.

"I'll talk you through it." Look at me, giving someone dating advice. I just hope he doesn't think too hard and remember that I'm on the outs with Bella.

"Eric?" Holding his head, he turned back to Susan. "Thanks for inviting me. That was really sweet." Susan's smile was so innocent and warm. "I've never been to a Forks dance. I hope I fit in."

"Actually, there are a lot of girls from Port Angeles going."

"Oh really?" Tanya asked.

"Yeah, really? Why the influx of fresh meat?" Tanya didn't care. She was fluffing her hair and didn't seem to be aware that I was glaring at her due to her choice of words.

"Because Matthew Rogan took pity on some of the guys who didn't have dates and introduced them to some of his lady friends from Port Angeles."

Hmmm. Well, that certainly fit with what Susan told me about his dalliances. I had heard enough. While Eric and Susan exchanged information, I quickly paid for all of the books. After some brief goodbyes to the happy couple, Alice, Tanya and I headed back to the car.

"_Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match_," Alice sang while she skipped. Tanya linked our arms together.

"Yeah, Edward, who knew you had it in you?"

"What?" I chuckled as I unlocked the car doors and we all piled in. "I can't do a good deed now and then?"

"When I'm not happy, I can't stand seeing others happy."

"I imagine that's something you can work on that character flaw in the next thousand years."

"Pfft. I've done the introspection thing. I'd rather read tabloids on the beach on Isle Esme."

"Yes, please!" Alice chimed in. "After the past year, I need a vacation. Do you believe that…oh no!"

"What?" I searched her mind for some sort of catastrophe involving Bella.

"It's Rosalie. She's one click away from buying a coral dress. Rose, you couldn't wear coral in 1965 and you can't wear it now. It's awful with our eye color. And you know how she feels about wearing contacts." Alice whipped out her phone once again and began dialing.

A few days later, I was back in the library during lunch. I found myself once more sketching a pair of brown eyes. Each time I drew them a bit differently depending on how much I had chosen to beat myself up that day. Sometimes sorrowful, sometimes angry, sometimes joyful. When I really wanted to torture myself, I made them inviting.

In a flash, the gleaming smile of Eric Yorkie entered my mind. He had just set his tray down at a table by himself. He had tried to hide his glee, but it was just so hard to keep his excitement to himself. It radiated out of him. So much so that Angela couldn't help being blinded by it.

"Eric," she said in a sing-song manner as she and Bella approached him, trays in hand on their way to their own lunch table. "What are you so happy about?"

Even Bella, not normally one to pry, was intrigued.

"Yeah, Eric, you look like the cat that got the cream. Don't tell us you've reached nirvana."

He looked up at them and raised his eyebrows curiously.

"Maybe I have." He let that thought take flight for a moment. The girls set their trays down and scrambled to sit down.

"Spill it, Eric!"

He leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Angela, I'm shocked. Doesn't the Lord look down upon gossiping?"

"Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's."

"So now you're Caesar?"

"I am today!"

"Well, if you ladies must know, I met someone and I'm bringing her to the dance."

Squeals erupted and the normally composed girls acted as if they were being subjected to electric shock treatment by their spastic movements.

"Tell us! Tell us!"

Eric was enjoying this. What would Buddha say?

"Well, her name is Susan and she goes to Port Angeles High."

"Oh, Matthew must know her," Bella thought out loud. Eric shook his head.

"That I doubt. She's very sweet and works at the book store by the harbor."

"Wait," Bella held up her hand. "Does she have light brown hair? About 5'3"?"

"Yeah, that's her!" Eric's eyes lit up.

"I know exactly who she is! She's adorable, Eric."

"I think so." He let his mind wander back to Port Angeles, the Paris of the Olympic Peninsula.

"So how did you two meet? Was it love at first sight?" Angela prodded, leaning forward in her chair anxious to know more.

"Not exactly, but as I've gotten to know her…ya know, we've been talking a lot on the phone and we went to dinner-"

"Ooh! Dinner!" It was like Jessica and Lauren had suddenly inhabited their bodies.

"Yes, dinner! As I've gotten to know her, well, she's really great."

"But how did you two meet?" Angela was practically slapping the table like a frustrated interrogator.

"We met through Edward." Eric turned his gaze downward. So did Bella.

"Edward?" said the normally sensitively diplomatic Angela in disbelief. "Since when is Edward Cullen in the business of love?"

This question particularly resonated with Bella it seemed much to Angela's obliviousness.

"Susan is a friend of his." Bella let out the breath she was holding and was ever so slightly nodding her head. Did she think I had a string of girls I was keeping all over town? No good deed goes unpunished.

"I ran into him in Port Angeles. He was with Alice and Tanya, you know the girl he's taking to the dance?"

"I heard." Bella's eyes flashed to Angela's face. Was that a look of betrayal? She seemed hurt. Why did her feeling hurt make me feel better? I suppose it was better than her ignoring me.

"So anyway, he introduced us and now things are going smoothly. Better than that. And who would have guessed that I have Edward to thank?"

Bella stood up abruptly. So much so that she slammed into the table causing everything to shake.

"Well, that's great, Eric. You deserve someone really great." She grabbed her tray and scurried off to Matthew. Both Eric and Angela watched on as Bella retreated.

"I thought she was over him," said Eric. "I mean, she's with Rogen. Isn't he every girl's dream?"

Angela turned back to Eric.

"Haven't you ever heard of a placeholder? And besides, Bella is not every girl."

I closed my mind to them. Angela's words should have given me hope, but the pained look on Bella's face told me of the destruction that I had wrought. How I wished I could turn back time and have faith in Bella. Faith in us.

In the days that followed, Alice called upon all of her powers of transformation and Susan the Blonde was forged from the fire. Gone was the keeper of great and not-so-great literature and in her place was the Siren of the Stacks. She had been scrubbed, pumiced, exfoliated, wrapped, plucked, manicured, pedicured, bleached, brushed, teased and sprayed.

Susan was now a honey blonde and tanned as though she had just returned from St. Tropez. Her eyes, once hidden due being accustomed to looking down at the ground, were a bright green with specks of azure and had been rimmed with kohl. Her black dress was nipped in all the right places recalling the screen goddesses of the past. She was unrecognizable when she left the Cullen house that day. Finally, she truly understood the meaning of the word _frisson_ that often appeared in novels that her mother would have deemed inappropriate.

"Alice, you outdid yourself." Esme shook her head as we all watched Susan drive away. Alice smiled and shook her head.

"And people think that being a psychic is my superpower."

"You need to do my hair next. The rollers have cooled." Tanya patted the hot rollers that covered her head.

"I'm on it." They started up the stairs.

"Edward, what's the plan?" asked Jasper as he annihilated Emmett's soldiers during their rematch of some video game.

"Susan is meeting Eric at his house for pictures and then we're all meeting up at the dance."

"Jasper! Edward! We won't be long! Hurry up and get dressed!" Alice called down the stairs.

"Don't forget that I want to take some pictures before you go!" Esme reminded us all as she thumbed through some paperwork the school sent home about graduation.

The girls took considerably longer, but finally it was almost time to go.

As I put on my suit upstairs, I wondered what the night might bring. Would Bella even look at me? She can't fault me for bringing a date. She brought one after all. Perhaps tonight would be a non-event after all this build-up.

I buttoned up my jacket and met Tanya on the landing of the second floor. She was wearing a blush-colored dress with a black satin sash around the waist. Her curls had been loosened into smooth waves. Her dress hit right below the knee allowing her sky high heels to be on view. I offered her my arm which she politely and platonically accepted.

"Always the gentleman," she remarked as we made our way downstairs.

Once we made it to the ground floor, Esme started snapping pictures.

"Oh Tanya, don't you look lovely! What a gorgeous dress!"

"It's Chanel. It's two seasons old, but I don't think anyone will notice."

"Let's take some pictures on the porch." Esme and Tanya moved toward the door. "I'm sorry Carlisle had to miss this."

Just then, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID.

"Oh, it's just Susan."

Alice called down from her room. "Tell her we found her wrap. She left it on my bed. We'll bring it with us to the dance."

"Will do!" I called back. I hit the answer button.

"Hi Susan, we have your wrap and we'll bring it with us."

"Um…great, thanks." She sounded distant and distracted.

"Susan, is everything alright?"

Her voice was a whisper.

"Edward, something is really wrong here at the dance."

"What?"

"Well, you know how Matthew was getting dates for the guys at your school with some girls from Port Angeles?"

"Yes…"

"Well, he did get them dates, but none of these girls go to Port Angeles. Definitely not. But the thing is that they're all using names of girls from my school. Eric doesn't believe me, but I saw one of them adjusting her contact lens in the ladies room and, Edward, I swear…this girl had red eyes."

_**A/N Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It's much appreciated.**_


End file.
